Help!!! 2011 Goals!

Ok, I want to set some realistic, exciting and challenging 2011 goals but I can't think of anything.

I want something I will stick to and something that will really make me feel good. i don't want to limit them to just health and fitness, yet I definitely want that included. I need them to be managable and not overwhelming.

Here are some ideas I'm throwing around

- ACE certification (something I wanted to do for awhile)

- Pay off at least one of my two HUGE student loans

- Get my weight to 127 or below (in a healthy manner)

- Give myself a monthly allowance to spend and stick to it

Now these are good and will be a part of my goals...but there is nothing really exciting. I want to try something new! but I don't know what.

I want to step out into the land of the unknown, where it is scary to go, but exciting because you know that each step is one that betters you, you know?

so....any ideas???

Starting Again???

Wow! I haven't been on here in forever! I know, you think I had fallen off the face of the earth right? I don't know what really happened.

I finished one month of Insanity and didn't want to continue the second month because I was missing my weights...I felt like a failure. It felt like something else in my life I just didn't accomplish and 'failed' at doing.

So, while I continued to exercise, I stopped being accountable. My exercising is usually pretty good, even if I miss a day I know I will come back to it. It's my eating that is the problem. So after I felt as thought I failed, I stopped keeping track of things and simply stopped trying.

My job helped me to continue this because I don't have the time to eat during the day and often times it is 6 - 7 hours from breakfast to lunch and then I'm starving!!!

This job is also mentally taxing on me. While I'm learning a lot, that is not what I'm talking about. It is my boss. She is great but she is also 5' 5" (my height) and 115lbs. This is a killer for me. I am 135 so all the little demons in my head are just telling me how huge I am and I have started back on some bad habits...like not packing lunch / dinner or eating late at night cause I didn't eat enough during the day cause I didn't want to eat in front of her.

I know this is in my head and I need to conquer it. There will ALWAYS be someone better looking / smarter / more physically fit...etc then me. I need to just be the "best version of ME" (as Sandrelle so nicely put it on her post). As long as I keep telling myself I'm worthless, I will treat myself that way.

I need to start loving me. I've said that before and I wonder if this time it will truly happen, but I'm not going to worry about that, just move from today.

So, I'm starting my new year now. I know I won't get online every day cause neither my job nor my Internet connection allow that, but I will continue posting and keeping myself accountable.

That said, I am going to try Bikram yoga again, starting Sunday....yoga in a room that is 105 degrees!!!! I'd love to stick with it, but money will determine that one...haha!

Here's to being the best version of ourselves!!!

Merry Christmas!

Change of Plans & Cider Mill

Ok, I decided to change my workout plans for this week. Instead of following the Insanity recovery week I am follow Cathe Friedrich's September 2010 week one rotation.

I may end up continuing this rotation instead of going back to insanity or I may mix it up with insanity and here is why. I found myself getting down about not lifting weights. In turn, this made working out very depressing. While I still continued to do my workouts, I stopped trying to be healthy. I wasn't eating well and I was eating anything to try and fill the void I felt from trying to follow a program where my heart wasn't in it. I didn't want to 'fail' yet again.

It wasn't until I read my friend's blog, and saw that she was also switching up her workout, that I realized I am not a failure. I am still working out by following Cathe's rotation, I'm just following my heart.

So, you will see the workouts posted are not from insanity. I may continue or add it in occasionally, but I'm not sure. I'm going to go by what my heart and body want.

On another note, I wanted to share some pics from a recent trip to the cider mill! I went with my sister, bro-in-law, nephew and niece. In order to make it more fun, we took a lot of crazy pics! Here are a few :)

The Cider Mill Sign

My niece, bro-in-law, sis & me being 'rebels'! haha

The 'Karate Kid' pose

My handstand...with a little help from my nephew :)

"Caught!" hehe

Day of Rest!

Well today was supposed to be my day of rest, but since I messed up my week with the scratch on my eye, I did Cardio Recovery today. While not intense in the way of cardio endurance, it is challenging to the muscles!

I have to admit though, I am missing my weights. I love this program and all it's doing for my endurance, but I feel kinda flabby. So i have devised a plan. This coming week is another hard week of working out, but the following week is supposed to be the recovery week. Every day is "Core Cardio & Balance" I'm not sure what that consists of yet, but I'm going to sneak in my Cathe Friedrich Gym Style workouts. I need to build myself back up in weights...or at least that is how I feel. Who knows, maybe it's all in my mind, but either way, I still miss the weights.

If all goes well, I may continue the next 4 weeks following the recovery week, with weights three days a week. I will just do my cardio in the morning and weights at night.

Of course this all sounds good on 'paper' so we'll see how it works out with life ;)

On the job front, I did not get the job in my little downtown, but I have another potential job that is far better and with much more opportunity for advancement. Unfortunately, I won't know for sure until a month or two from now, but I am praying about it and I have a good feeling here. Either way, I'm trusting God to take care of me. I'm still doing my part in looking, I'm just trusting Him to open/close the right/wrong doors.

Hope all of you had a great day of rest!

Insanity Catch up!

Hey all!

Things got a little messy this week with working out.

On both Mon and Tues I felt sick as I worked out and didn't feel like I did a great job. Come Wednesday, I had a morning Bible Study to go to and I didn't get home until 2pm (due to talking and lunch).

I had my body combat class to teach that night and since it was a new routine, I wanted to practice it before 6pm and found I also needed to rest...I was just exhausted!

I taught my class and felt incredibly good. I wasn't even winded! I think that is due to the help of Insanity. All those workouts are so tough that everything else feels like a breeze :)

anyway, I came home from class and did Pure Cardio. After the warm-up, I realized I wasn't going to be able to do Cardio abs. I was getting tired again.

So I finished Pure Cardio and headed to bed.

Thursday morning I wake up and just as I'm opening my eyes, INTENSE PAIN hits them. My eyes had dried out again and opened an old wound. I tried putting cold compresses on my eyes to help them. I couldn't even open them at this point. The compress helped my left eye but not my right eye. I waited until noon before I called my doc to see if I could come in. I still couldn't open my right eye....too painful. It's like having a wood sliver stuck in your eye..yeah, just imagine how that would feel! yikes!

I went to the doc and he said the scratch was a pretty significant size. In order to heal, I had two choices. Get a contact put over the scratch and come back Sunday to get it out (while taking antibiotics) or get some new gel put in there with the antibiotics and sit around with my eyes closed. I opted for the contact. To top it all off, I got my 'monthly visitor' and am feeling very lethargic....which might also explain why I was feeling sick on Mon and Tues.

I had to completely skip my workout yesterday due to all of this though :( I thought I will just make it up on Sunday.

Today I feel much better. I am still seeing double in my right eye, but a lot of the pain was gone. I'm also still quite tired. I did my workout but my legs felt like lead! I also did Cardio Abs today. I was going to do them Sunday, but I saw that Monday's workout is Pure Cardio and Cardio Abs so I didn't want to have them back to back.

Eating is going ok. I am not binging at night as my journal tells me I have been, but I still need to keep a close eye on that and make sure I spread out my food to all meals and not hoard it for one meal.

Well that's it for today...time for an eye break!

INSANITY! Fit Test #2

I will probably post later today because this is for yesterday's workout but I wanted to get it in here while I had time. Here are the results of my fit test.

Switch Kicks: 120 (+2)

Power Jacks: 55 (+15)

Power Knees: 115 (+15)

Power Jumps: 30 (same)

Globe Jumps: 11 (+1)

Suicide Jumps: 15 (-1)

Push-up Jacks: 15 (-1)

Low Plank Oblique: 56 (+6)

I purposely didn't look at my first set of results when doing this because I wanted to see how well I could do not because of previous numbers but just from within myself.

I did do better on most. I think I got a little tired and lazy at the end, so next time, I will look at these numbers as I go and try to beat them. I thought that might be the wrong way to go about it, but now I think that is what probably pushes me.

Today is Cardio Circuit. I thought it was Pure Cardio + Cardio Abs and I was trying to pump myself up for it, but that isn't until tomorrow (whew!) I also have to go and practice my kickboxing for tomorrow's class. I really hope more people show up. It's such a great workout, but I think people are scared off by it...thinking they can't do it. What they don't know, cause they don't come, is that I break it down for them, making the high intensity or more difficult moves, easier. They would know if they came. I pray they do, not just for my class, but to show them that they can do it.

Recently, I got information on two contests about weight loss. I considered joining one of them, but I just did that this past summer and didn't follow through. What I really need to do is follow through on keeping my food journal. That is the thing I have the hardest time with. I keep doing other things in hopes the weight will fall off, but ignore the journal.

This week, I'm keeping it. My reward, if my goals are met, will to fill my coffee card so I can buy a cup every day.

Sunday - A Day of Rest!

Ahhh....I made it through week 2!!!!! I'm so proud of me!

Yesterday was VERY HARD! I had a cardio kickboxing class to teach. It was supposed to help boost my regular class for Wednesday night. NO ONE showed up. It was very depressing. It just took the wind out of my sails. So I came home and did Pure Cardio + Cardio Abs. The depression made it difficult to do a good job. I did persevere though. It was pretty difficult to do the Cardio Abs after Pure Cardio because the first few exercises were very high intensity...I found myself longing for crunches, but alas that was not to be.

The ab exercises he did are really excellent and I think I might do them on some other days too. Because they are still cardio but just require a lot of ab engagement. I also think they focus alot on the obliques and lower abs. While I'm not too concerned with my obliques, I do like the lower ab part.

I did struggle alot with it though and I can see that I will need to strengthen a lot. I also felt it a lot in my back, but not my lower back, it was more my mid to upper back. I'm not sure if that is due to weak abs, weak back or both...probably both...haha!

While the first set of exercises were done standing (jumping), the next set was done sitting in the "C" position. Doing leg lifts in and out and oblique twists...then twists with the legs lifted. We also did planks, but not just holding. NO. We had to alternate drawing one knee into our elbow while in the plank position. Finally, we did that again while alternating between planks on our elbows and hands. It was quite a workout!

Anyway, I'm glad for a day off. There is a fall festival in town today and I think we are going to go. If I get some pics, I'll post them later.

Hope you all have a great Sunday.

Cardio Power & Resistance + Job? Part 2!

First, the workout!

Well, I think missing the Wed workout really took something from me. I didn't feel as empowered today. I think I did well in my workout, but I had to take more breaks and I can't help but wonder if it was due me replacing my workout with my kickboxing...hmmmm

One thing I have started to notice is the increase in strength and firmness of my stomach. This is pretty surprising to me because I haven't done one sit-up or crunch yet! I have done some plank work, but not every day or even every other day. I think the workouts automatically cause you to engage your abs. He (Shawn) is always yelling at us to do so, but I didn't think it was so effective.

I was also worried about the lack of weights in this workout, but that is becoming less and less as I do more pushups, squats, lunges and tricep dips! My own body weight seems to be plenty!

I'm coming to the end of my 2nd week and I'm very proud of myself. I hope Monday will show some improvement. That is when I do my 2nd fit test!

Second...the job interview.

it went well, but I am not sure they will higher me. I gave them a number, for my salary, that is out of their range and I don't think they want to take me on only to have me leave if something better comes around. I am supposed to call her on Monday after we both had time to think this over...we'll see how it goes!

Gosh, Monday is a big day...fit test and job....yikes!

Cardio Power & Resistance + Job?

As you will see, I had to substitute Wed with bodycombat (kb). I did this for two reasons.

1) It said "cardio circuit" on the plan and I don't have a dvd with just that name. I guess, based on other posts I saw, I'm supposed to do the plyometric cardio circuit. oops!

2) I teach a kickboxing class on Wed nights and get a great workout there. In addition to that, I'm trying to learn a new routine. So I was kickboxing all day; therefore, I didn't feel like I was slacking. Ok, I kinda felt like I was slacking, but I did still workout! lol

Today is exciting cause I'm going to do my workout, once my breakfast settles, and then get ready for a job interview! It's just a little store in one of our downtown areas called "Old World Olive Press" and they specialize in balsamic vinegar and olive oils from around the world.

In a sense, it is my dream job. The little store is so cool and just makes you feel like you're in the old world. It is also in a location that I LOVE. There are so many unique little stores and people as well as some more famous ones, such as Starbucks.

The only downside may be the pay. While I know they are hiring and they need someone now, I'm not sure what position they need to fill and how much they will pay. Either way, if offered the job, I will take it, since I haven't had any other offers, but if the pay is min wage, I will have to keep looking for something else.

In the meantime, I'm just going to be happy that this opportunity is available. Guess we'll see how it goes later today!

If I get hired, I will go around and take pics so you can see how cute it is :)

On another note...here is a poem that I read today which I thought applied to my situation with working out and searching for a job.

THE MAN WHO THINKS HE CAN

If you think you are beaten, you are,

If you think you dare not, you don't.

If you like to win, but you think you can't,

It is almost certain you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you're lost,

For out in the world we find,

Success begins with a fellow's will.

It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are,

You've got to think high to rise,

You've got to be sure of yourself before

You can ever win a prize.

Life's battles don't always go

To the stronger or faster man.

But soon or late the man who wins,

Is the man WHO THINKS HE CAN.

Finally, a funny quote I read: "Everything always works out in the end. If it hasn't worked out, it's not the end." haha!

Have a great day!

Pure Cardio - Day 9

Ok, after yesterday's workout, I was feeling strong and successful! Today's took me back down a notch. I don't think we realize how hard it is to be in constant motion, doing some high intensity moves, for 30 minutes...or maybe it was just me.

I made it through though and am looking forward to tomorrow.

Eating hasn't been as well, maybe that is the reason I'm having such a hard time. We haven't gone grocery shopping yet so the food is leftovers and snack food. Nothing really good and healthy.

Hopefully that changes soon. I'm waiting on my sis since she has the money. I offer to go, but she says she has to go, so I just wait.

We'll see what tomorrow holds!

Week 2: Cardio Power & Resistance

Happy Labor Day to all of you!

Well, probably like most of you, I had plans for labor day with the family. I was going to postpone my workout until I got back but decided I better do it before. I AM SO GLAD I DID!

I am soooooo tired right now. I think it is really due to a pill I took for allergies. It makes me incredibly tired and there is no way I would have worked out today! Ok, I would have tried but it wouldn't have been good.

I did feel a little better doing this workout the second time. I was still extremely tired and sweaty, but there was a little power within me. I did much better with the push-ups at the end of the workout, but still needed to take breaks.

My eating went well too. I did have a brownie while at the party, but I didn't overeat or graze so I'm pretty happy with that!

Looking forward to going to bed though. I know tomorrow is going to be a doozy of a workout, it is PURE CARDIO and that is really a killer. Gotta sike myself up for that one!

I'll be up early though, since I'm taking my nephew to school, so I have plenty of time to eat breakfast and let it settle before my workout :)

Here are some pics from today!

My brother flipping into the pool

My brother (diff one) and I. He is moving to CA for a job so this was a labor day/going away party

All the girls :)

Plyometric cardio circuit - Rnd 2!

Sorry for not posting yesterday, but got caught up; however, I did do my workout! It was the same as one I did earlier in the week. You would think that I would have gotten a little better, but no, I was just as wiped out as the first time I did it :) All I could think about was how today is my 'day off' haha!

However, my 'day off' did not turn out that way. I have to learn a new routine (11 songs) for a class I'm teaching. I 'launch' the new material on Saturday, so i'll have to pull double duty on my workouts.

I have been watching what I'm eating but still noticed some snippets of unhealthy things getting in there...a little bite of brownie...a little bit of homemade apple pie and ice cream.

While these are not the end of the world, they aren't helping me toward my end goal. I need to remember that as I start to scoop them onto my plate.

About to start off the week with another full workout and all I can think is....YIKES!!! :)

Pure Cardio - Day 5

Whew! Todays workout was go go GO! Another sweat dripping workout. The other Insanity workouts were rounds within sets and breaks in-between. Today's was all different and constant. Even Shawn T said he was nervous. Now I know why :) There weren't as many plyo moves but there were some jumping moves and the rest were just intense. Combine that with being constant and you have a killer workout!

I look forward to the day when I can actually do all the exercises in good form and consistently. I don't feel bad for taking quick breaks because they do it in the DVD too, so I know it's not just me. however, I don't think I do my movements quite as well as they do, so there is definitely work to be done.

Today though I was plagued by my weight. I got on the scale before I worked out and it was up TWO POUNDS! I know that I should not judge myself by the scale but my clothes are any looser either so it must be correct. This put a damper on everything. I found myself fighting negative self talk the whole workout.

I would start to comment on my legs (biggest problem area) and worthless I am and that's why I probably don't have a bf to saying NO THAT IS NOT TRUE. You do have things to work on but YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS.

It was quite a battle and to tell you the truth, I'm still battling. I wish I could just look in the mirror and be thankful that I can even do these workouts and don't have a ton of weight to lose. Why am I so hard on myself?

I don't know but I think I need to start committing, to myself, to be a better person to me. I don't judge others like I judge myself.

So, I continue the workouts and look to improve the eating. one step at a time...

Insanity Days 3 & 4

Ok, I didn't get to post yesterday due to being busy. I also didn't get to do day 3 of Insanity. I did workout, but it was teaching my bodycombat class. I just didn't have time for day 3. So I decided to combine it with day 4, which worked out great.

Day 3 was Cardio Power and Resistance and Day 4 was Cardio Recovery (don't let that name fool you).

First, day 3. It start out with the squat jumps. You jump and as you're in the air, bring up your knees to your hands. Yes! It is a killer! Again, I was wiped out! I did keep imagining myself as someone in the dvd, however I did not try to keep up with them. I realized that keeping up with them would make my form suffer and I'm big on keeping correct form. So, I went as fast as I could while making sure I was doing things correctly and feeling it where I was supposed to.

Day 4 was cardio recovery. While we weren't doing plyo stuff it was still hard. We did slow squats and lunges, holding them at the end and then doing pulses. Other balance activities were added along with planks. I think one of the interesting exercises, and challenging, was getting on our hands and knees, then lifting the knees 3-5 inches off the floor. While the knees are off the floor, one leg goes back and you do pulses of 8. Repeat on the other leg (breaks in between). The second set is done the same way but with 16 pulses! those extra 8 make a differences. This is followed by bringing the knee to the shoulder and shooting it back behind you, still in that same form. Whew! great stuff!!

I was tired but glad I did both :)

I did let my eating slip today, but the more I workout with these people and see what I'm doing and clothing I want to wear, the more I want to improve. I just finished eating some turkey sausage meatballs with a tiny bit of thin spaghetti and about a 1/3 cup of sweet potatoes. I don't have the money to buy anything now, so I will have to make due with the food my sister buys. It's not everything I would like, but I think my problem is more with portion control anyway so I will work on that until I get a job and can afford to buy my own food.

I need to keep telling myself that this is to improve me. I need to be the person God created me to be and not try to be anyone else. I will never look like anyone else so trying will always end in failure. I spend too much time looking to other people, but I have a strong body, I just need to take care of it, so the person inside me can emerge.

I am not just looking for this program to transform my body, but my mind also.

Day 5 tomorrow....looks like a another sweat fest! haha

Plyometric cardio circuit

Ok, I think I was already dripping with sweat after the warm-up!!! yikes! I felt like I was going to get sick during the workout but I think that was due to eating so close to working out. I'm going to try and space it out tomorrow.

For anyone who doesn't like complicated workouts but still wants to work hard, this is for you. There is a warm-up, 2 circuits and a cool down

Each circuit contains a set of exercises done for about 30 seconds, with a total of 3 minutes per round and a 30 second break between each round. There are three rounds per circuit with a 30 second rest between rounds.

Here is what the plyo circuit contained:

Plyo circuit
Warm up
Jog
Jumping jacks
Hesiman
123 knee
butt kicks
high knees
mummy kicks
repeat 2 more times but faster each time

water break
stretch
water break

suicide drills
power squats
mountain climbers
ski jumps
break
repeat
break
repeat
switch feet ski jumps
foot ball runs and sprints

basketball jumps
4 pushups, then 8 runs on the floor from pushup position, then stand up
ski abs from pushup position
in and out abs from pushup position
break
repeat
break
repeat
jabs
cross jacks
upper cuts
attack jabs from horse stance

I definitely feel 'worked out' haha! I just have to compliment all this with healthy choices in my eating so I don't sabotage myself and end up giving up!

More tomorrow!

Fit Test Results

Ok, I didn't get time to post yesterday but I did do the fit test for Insanity. here are my stats:

Switch Kicks: 118 (or 59 if you count 2 kicks as 1)

Power Jacks: 40

Power Knees: 100

Power Jumps: 30 (good grief these were hard!)

Globe Jumps: 10 (these aren't as difficult but I was tired! 4 jumps equal 1)

Suicide Jumps: 16

Push-up Jacks: 16 (why are the hardest ones at the end? haha)

Low Plank Oblique: 50 (or 25 if you count 2 knees as 1)

Ok, there need to be improvements but the numbers aren't too bad. I do like what the guy in the DVD said when asked how he felt as compared to the first day. He said he felt the same. Some may be looking for improvement and him feeling better but that's just the thing. He is getting more fit and pushing himself harder. His numbers were higher so he should feel just as out of breath.

I think this shows the importance of keeping track by writing things down or measurements. We often look for changes in the wrong areas while missing the significant ones.

We expect our weight to go down and are depressed when it doesn't, but we are becoming more tone.

I have to say, one of my fears with this program is that I will lose my muscle tone since I won't be following my standard weight workouts in, but I have to look at the bigger picture. I have too much "stuffing" out the outside for anyone to even see my muscle tone. I really need to lean out and focus on eating properly FIRST.

Ok enough talk for now! I need to go to my second workout. Hopefully I will post later today!

See ya later!

INSANITY!

My friend, Sandrelle, is starting the Insanity program (the one by beachbody) on Aug 30 and ending Oct 31.

I have this program too and thought it would be fun to join in with her and chronicle my view of it while getting support and encouragement from her via her blog http://www.maintainmyweight.blogspot.com/

I'm nervous about starting cause I don't stick to things well, but just because I haven't doesn't mean I shouldn't!

So, looking forward to Aug 30! Hope some of you join with us. It would be fun to get everyone's take!

Fitbook!

Ok, so I decided I needed to write everything down, I believe I mentioned this in another post. Anyway, I decided to splurge and get the "Fitbook". I was going to put a pic here but my mind is turning up blank on how to do that...could be cause it's 1am and I'm brain dead at this time. So I posted the link instead.

http://www.getfitbook.com/

What's great about it? Well, for someone like me who is constantly writing different things in different places (measurements, goals, workouts, eating, motivation, etc) this book is a dream! It's a one stop shop! It's a 12 week book where you write down your starting measurements, weight, and bf. Then you set up your workouts for a month, further detailing them to a week and finally a day. It also provides a place for you to write down your motivation and what you will give yourself as a reward!

I have this month all to myself and I really want to surprise my sister the next time I see her. I know I won't be at my goal, cause it will have only been 4 weeks and not 12, but I plan on being leaner and stronger by September.

We also have a plan to go to the waterpark before school starts and while my bathing suit is modest, it is a bit tight...and I bought a bigger size too! So, that needs to change.

I think I better go write that down in the fit book too!

Oh, one more note about it. The book is not a journal, meaning you can't write endless pages, but that's ok cause then it leads right into being an action book.

I'm excited about this and already seeing changes. Can't wait for more to come!

Food....ugh

Ok, most of the things I see for losing weight are focused on exercising. Maybe it's just what I see cause that is what I like. What I don't like is all the food prep. I could lie and say I'm doing well, but I'm not.

I seem to only see how difficult it is. Someone eating all 'my' food / someone buying a lot of junk and bringing it into the house / late night scrapbooking sessions with lots of food / cost of health food / food prep / logging calories / writing down what I eat...everything / etc...

What I need is an easy way to start. I have the workout part down pat, but how can I get myself away from the junk without doing a complete 360 and overwhelming myself??? Suggestions??

Back for another round!

Ok, as you can see, I made it full circle in my weight. How did it happen? I hurt my back while laying wood floors (1000 sq ft!!) and let myself get caught up in my problem.

I didn't want to post here and admit my failure, hence the long time between posts, but I'm back because I am not a failure! I will not accept this and there is no reason I can't start again.

So, on Monday I started again and while my BFFM challenge ends in September I have my final goal (to achieve and go into maintenance) in December. Hitting September will just be another milestone. It doesn't mean I won't start now, I am, but I'm not stopping cause I don't think I'll reach my final goal in Sept.

I am also growing out my hair! I'll post my styles at different stages. Hope I make it through the in between stage!!!!

Anyway, Just wanted to let you know I'm still here and kicking!!!

Calling Myself Out?!?

Ok, time for some truth telling...gulp! I have been blaming my...uhhhh...lack of ability to stick to my plan on my sister and family. Basically saying (to myself) that I can't eat good or exercise well because of the food they bring in the house and the interruptions they cause to my schedule.

Well, they went away for TWO WEEKS and guess what???? Yep, that's right, I still had the same problems, IF NOT WORSE! You can see that my stats have not changed and there is NO EXCUSE for that!

I keep changing who I blame for my 'inability' to stick to things and I have to admit, it's me.

I heard something (again) recently that you all may have heard before...

"you do what you expect not what you desire."

You see, I DESIRE to lose weight and tone up. I long to look like one of the fitness models, but at the very least, to get rid of a good amount of fat so you can SEE how hard I work and the muscle hidden under there.

However, I EXPECT myself to go all 'gun ho' and then fail after a day or two.

Quite frankly, I'm not sure how to 're-program' my mind. It's not due to lack of research either. I have listened to many things on NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming). In human terms (hehe), it is reprogramming your mind in order to change your behaviors.

After all I've listened to and read (which is definitely not exhaustive), I still find myself lost on accomplishing this. At least I recognize this is a problem, right?

I need to focus on this more but some other steps also. For example, right now the whole family is eating. I ate an 1-1/2 hours ago and am not hungry. I do WANT to eat but I don't NEED to eat. I have to start evaluating food on a want/need basis.

Everyone has a different dream they are chasing and a different way of achieving it. Different things work for different people. I need to stop chasing everyone else's way and make my own.

What's Wrong with Settling???

I had to ask myself this question today because I cannot say it's unacceptable until I know the reason why.

I looked up 'settle' online and the Merriam Webster dictionary gave a lot of definitions but a couple of them caught my eye:

2 a : to sink gradually or to the bottom b : to become clear by the deposit of sediment or scum c : to become compact by sinking

wow. I do not want to live a life where I 'sink gradually to the bottom' or only become clear because all the 'scum' is not moving at the moment. This makes me feel so depressed and dirty. Yet, this is exactly how I have been living lately.

If you look over at my stats, you will see not much has changed. Why? Because all week I gave myself excuses and secretly (yep, confession time), I have been telling myself,

"well, this body is good enough. heck, it's not like you're a movie star or model. you don't have to be 'perfect!' That is too much work. How will you ever have time to have fun and be a 'real' person? Don't you want to go out with friends and eat whatever you want instead of having to worry about every meal? Don't you want to just snack on chips instead of always having boring veggies that you usually have to prepare?"

Maybe you have had some of these same thoughts. In addition to this are the thoughts about the cost of health food and the time spent away from the family.

Ultimately, these are excuses to settle...excuses to be scum. Because if I have scum in me (according to the definition) then I am scum.

I was sanding the bathroom this weekend so we can paint and the bathroom was FILLED with dust! I spent a good portion of the day yesterday cleaning it out and when I was done, it looked wonderful! Why? All the 'SCUM' was gone. It was hard to clean it all up and I kept finding dust in more cracks and cupboards, but when it was done and I knew it was done, I felt wonderful.

This is the gift I want to give myself. Scum free! So, what's wrong with settling? It leaves you without hope and dirty.

I have to scale back and take things one day at a time. Goals are good, but I need to remember that I only have this moment to live in and to worry about anything more is a waste.

I remember a quote I heard once that said, "you can wonder, but you don't have to worry." This was in reference to God. I wonder about my life, but as a follower of Christ, I don't have to worry.

Everyday is a new day. Everyday I begin fresh. Everyday I live.

I put on my smile today and go out to live.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday!

mine why I don't want to settle, I first have to know why

Father's Day

Well, of course I spent it with my dad, but I spent more of it with my nephew...

He spent most of his time on the pool table :) He really enjoyed throwing the balls...we decided not to share that with my brother :)

As far as eating went, I have to say, I did excellent! I ate before I went there so I was full and able to decline the fattening dinner and even more fattening desserts!!!

I am so proud of me!!!! I know that sounds conceited, but I have spent so much time tearing 'me' down that I need to start picking up those blocks and building me back up! I need to have some pride in myself because I am the only one who will ever care about me this much!!

I also did a workout this morning which surprised me with how it kicked my butt!!! I have to say, when it comes to working out, I'm pretty tough, so to say that means a lot. I got it off of netflix (I just recently learned that I could rent workouts over netflix). So, what w/o was it?

Yep, this is the one. It wasn't fast paced but the jumps and constant motion are what did it...either way, I loved it and plan to buy it and add it to my workout routines!

Who's to Blame?

Ever since I started trying to eat cleaner I noticed that I kept getting obstacles thrown in my way:

1. scratched my cornea and couldn't make my own meals or exercise

2. had to deal with my brother breaking his foot and needing help until he could get surgery

3. work on the house (constant pressure)

4. had a nephew who also had surgery on his foot and needed help

5. my sis has some medical problems that keep her down when they get painful and I step in

These are just a few things that have happened over the past two weeks. With all this happening, I found my resolve to stick to my clean eating even harder. I didn't have the time I needed to prepare meals and figure out what to eat and I slowly found myself eating less clean and introducing more junk (reduced fat cookies / doritos / frozen pizza rolls / buttered popcorn...).

Last night, as I was eating my pizza rolls and feeling miserable, I was thinking of all the things happening and blaming everyone else for my inability to eat clean. What I didn't want to admit is that I am the one in control of my eating.

Life is filled with challenges. It is not designed to let us live a problem free / clutter free existance. We grow stronger through these challenges if we allow ourselves to learn.

I heard someone say once, "it's never the trial that makes us stronger, it's what we choose to do with that trial." I have been allowing my trials to pave way for my excuses, so I could always have somewhere to place blame.

While I can't say I am never going to blame anyone again, I can say that I am going to start taking responsibility and I pray that every day I will grow stronger and when I fail and start to place blame again, I will once again go back to God and pray for strength to use my place in life as a building block for where I'm headed next.

These next two weeks are really committed to making the most of my situation and learning how to continue. I choose them because I have an opportunity to do it without interruptions.

Now, off to exercise and then to the grocery store to find some clean eats!

Kickboxing & Protein

Hey all! I just finished teaching two cardio kickboxing classes and I'm bushed! I love teaching but one right after the other takes a lot out of you. Sometimes I worry that I push them too hard, but I'm trying to constantly better their punches and kicks...ugh...gotta find that balance.

I am also experimenting with making homemade protein bars. So far I have had little success. The ones I made today tasted like chocolate banana bread (unfortunately I hate banana bread). I'm thinking of adding a different fruit. The ingredients are pretty easy -

2 large, ripe bananas

1 tsp. ground cinnamon

2 tbsp. unsweetened cocoa powder

3 large raw egg whites

4 oz. nonfat milk

2 1/2 c. old-fashioned rolled oats

1/3 c. Splenda

1 tbsp. olive oil (or applesauce)

2 scoops chocolate Designer Whey (or equivalent brand/flavor)

mix all / bake at 300 for 25 min. it's easy but I don't really like it.

I am thinking of using this recipe and substituting the banana...or just not putting in fruit, maybe that's what I'll do...

2 1/2 c. oats

1 scoop whey powder (use chocolate flavor)

2 tbsp. natural peanut butter

3 large egg whites

2 medium bananas mashed

1 tbsp. honey

7 tbsp. nonfat milk

1 tsp. cinnamon

mix all / bake at 180 for 15 min

I did like the protein shake I had today:

1 scoop protein powder

2 c non fat milk

1 c greek plain yogurt

1 c blueberries

1 packet crystal lite wild strawberry

ice to taste

this was sooooooo good and filling! I had a lot left over cause I couldn't finish it.

I got on the scale tonight though and while my weight is constant my body fat shot way up! I think it's the past couple days of mess ups I made. I'm really thinking of joining the kim lyons fast tract to fat loss so I can get a coach and some accountability/direction with food. I hate asking my friends to help me because I feel like they are too busy. If i hire a 'trainer' then that's their job and I don't feel bad.

Well see...if you have any thoughts / recipes just let me know!

Thx!

Day 8 - June 12

Ok, it's been awhile since I posted but there is a good reason. On June 6th I woke up with a scratched eye. It is actually a reoccurring thing, and in the past I have been able to deal with it and heal within a couple of hours, but this one was HORRIBLE. I could not move, because anytime I did move, my good eye would move and cause tremendous pain in my right eye (the scratched one).

I had to lie still all of Saturday and Sunday in order to deal with the pain. That also meant no working out or cooking my own meals, which is a real bummer since I am trying to eat fresh, healthy foods.

On Monday, I was finally able to get in and see my doc. I didn't want to go to emergency cause it would cost me so much more (i'm currently uninsured). My sis drove me there and he confirmed that it was a really bad scratch and put a contact in my eye.

You see, without the contact, the pain of blinking is equivilant to you having an open wound and rubbing something over it constantly. OUCH!

I also got some prescription eye drops and a recommendation to purchase the GenTeal eye drops. They are VERY concentrated and work well for people like me with extremely dry eyes. He also told me to start taking 2 pills a day of 1000mg flaxseed oil pills. It is supposed to help me strengthen the fatty layer over my eye and prevent future scratching.

Monday was basically spent recovering.

Tuesday, we found out that my brother broke his foot in 3 places and will need surgery to get screws and plates put in. However, it is so swollen that they could not operate right away. So they put a cast on his leg, up to his thigh, and sent him home...since he lives alone and needed help, he is staying with us. So Tuesday was spent getting him all together.

Ok, I gotta run...I'll tell you the rest later!

ps..my stats are on the side...I'm improving!!!

Day 6 - June 3rd

I think I mistakenly posted a day 6 earlier...oh well. So, I'm totally craving something junk filled. In order to avoid it, I came up to my bedroom and closed the door :) I also brushed my teeth. People say to do that when you are craving something cause then you won't want it. I think, for me, it doesn't work. I still want the junk food, but I'm not going to the kitchen. We don't have junk food anyway, but that just means I'll eat mindlessly wishing I had ice cream or cookies instead of tortilla chips :)

I forgot to post this the other day, but I found this website that calculates your ideal weight and calories. I did the long hand formulas originally and found out that this site matched them, so I think it's pretty good. If you want to check it out, go to http://www.cordianet.com/calculator.htm

As for today, not much got accomplished. I did get my nails done! My pinkie finger is broken so it doesn't bend...that's why you can't see it in the pic...

I'm happy with them :)

Then I went grocery shopping, made some dinner and went to a kickboxing class (which I was able to teach a little of myself!).

Now I'm home thinking that I need to go to bed, but before I do, here is what I ate today....

Breakfast: Oatmeal, eggs & whites, blueberries

Post workout snack: awesome protein shake with vanilla protein powder, oatmeal, ff milk and blueberries

Mid Afternoon meal: chicken breast, broccoli and brown rice.

Pre workout snack: vanilla Greek yogurt and sauteed peppers and onions (not mixed together).

Final meal: chicken breast, green beans and a cup of tea with splenda and ff milk.

I know, I need to vary the protein. Well I'm going to try some extra lean turkey meat tomorrow (Jenny-O brand). I want to put some fish in there too but I need to figure out how to cook it. Last time I set off the fire alarm...who knew?!?!

I still feel nervous about my body. I'm so impatient for change. I want to see definition in my abs and legs but I don't want to wait for the end of summer...my mom always did tell me I needed more patience lol :)

Well, I'm off to dream about being patient. nite!

Day 5

Yeah! I'm still in the running :) haha! Well, I weighed myself today and it was down 1lb!!! I hope that wasn't just water weight though. I guess I will find out soon enough. My clothes should become looser and muscles more evident (yeah!!!).

I did Cathe's GS Chest/Triceps today along with the 3DS KB. My sis has been working out with me and it's so great to have a partner! I feel like she and I are finally on the same team and it's a wonderful feeling!

Food went pretty well today. I think things might be a little boring (as far as taste goes) and the water intake needs to go up, but here is what I had....

Breakfast: oatmeal, eggs, and blueberries and coffee (yep,I'm still addicted!) Lunch: went to Coney Island and had a salad with cucumbers, tomatoes, cheese (just a little), chicken breast, olive oil & vinegar dressing and a piece of flat bread. It's the bread where I went wrong I think. Dinner: tofu mixed with green beans, seasoned with some Mrs Dash Garlic & Herb seasoning and a side of red and yellow peppers and onion (all sautéed together).

BFFM - Day 2 & 3

Well, I went to a wedding yesterday and didn't have much time to blog so I'm combining it with today. Below is a pic of me, my date (lady in black) and the mother of the bride (lady in purple).

It was a great time and we had a lot of fun! Check out this centerpiece! I thought it was really pretty!!

Here is a pic of the cake and I only had a small bite (but still too much for all I ate yesterday)...

Here is the bride and groom

All in all it was a nice day for going out.

As for exercising, it was my 'off' day, so I didn't do anything. Eating didn't go as smoothly. My sister in law brought over her homemade enchiladas with rice and a corn salsa. While I didn't have a lot, I didn't feel that it was healthy, but it was good. I ate a little at the wedding and then came home and had a midnight snack of enchiladas. So, the eating depressed me a bit, but I'm making better choices today.

Started with some plain instant oatmeal and added blueberries to it. Did B&G floor work along with 40 min of my kickboxing DVD. Still no change in the scale (rats!) or clothes but it'll happen. It's only day 3.

Ok, now it's off to painting..fun fun haha :)

Yesterday was also my rest day for exercise, but I did try out a DVD I got from
Well

BFFM - Day 1

Well, today was my official day one.

Official weight: 136.8

Official BF%: 27.6%

I couldn't believe the BF%....this means I only have 99.04 lean muscle mass and 37.76 lbs of pure lard! HOLY MOLY! I thought I was at least in the 100's with my muscle mass.

Despite being a bit down about that, I am still positive. I can feel that this time is different. I have a real goal, one that I can't quit and just say 'oh well, maybe some other time.' I also joined up with some other people as a team, in order to help my accountability. I'm excited to see my transformation.

My niece was telling me how she needed motivation to workout and I told her my (soon-to-be) awesome body would be all the motivation she would need. After all, she can't let her 'old' aunt look better then her...ahhh, I look forward to that day :) I love her to death, but I just want to prove to her that eating clean and working out do give you the body we always wanted.

My eating was pretty good but needs to get 'cleaner' and more portioned. I ate healthy meals for the most part, but that's not good enough, so I'm going to focus on finding new 'cleaner' meals to eat.

I did the Cathe Chest and Triceps today and along with weed whacking the lawn, my arms are KILLING me :)

So, I gotta go rest. haha

BFFM Challenge - I'M IN!

Ok! I did it...yikes! I signed up to do the Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle Summer 2010 challenge. I had to take my 'before' shots and yikes! It's not until I took those shots and measured my body fat percentage that I thought, 'Cheryl old girl, you really need to stop hiding under clothes and CHANGE YOUR BODY so you can stop DREAMING about who you want to be and start LIVING out that girl!

So, I'm posting my 'before' pics here, along with my weight and (yikes again) body fat %.

I'd appreciate any advice on foods to eat as that seems to be my downfall. I think exercise is going well. So, here goes nothing!

DAY ONE

Last weigh in I was at 136.8 with a BF of 26.8% Tomorrow will be my official weight and BF % and also my official day one, so I'll put it all up tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing the change!!!!

Facing My Fears

I was going to title this post "my biggest fear" but I'm not sure if what I'm about to say is my biggest or just a cover up for something deeper. I get a lot of self therapy out of typing so I thought I'd see what comes out of this.

Interestingly enough, failure is not my biggest fear. It doesn't really even scare me, quite the opposite. I seem to welcome it with open arms. It is my 'safe place' so to speak. You may think this is crazy, after all, isn't this blog about success? Crazy as it may seem, it is true. You see, if I fail I get a lot more attention, sympathy, support, compliments then if I succeed...this is true even of my own mind. If I succeed, I also have to maintain and that scares me to...failure.

Growing up, my brothers would always taunt anyone who failed, but if they succeed and then failed it was MUCH WORSE. I don't want that to happen, so I never stay fully on track. I always allow for excuses.

So, how do I succeed? The only thing I can think of is it is a step by step, day by day, minute by minute process. I have to remember the rest of my life may only last to the next minute. This may sound morbid to some but it relaxes me. You see, if I think of maintaining a healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life, and I see my life going on for another 30+ years, I panic. But if I think I only have to do something today, and prepare for tomorrow, but NOT worry about tomorrow, I can do it.

I'm still thinking about the BFFM challenge. I want to sign up committed, not as another fad. I always wanted to do some kind of figure competition, but have never been brave enough. This challenge is like one of those (in my mind), but I want to talk to myself and look at the book more to see what is involved and make sure I'm committed.

whew! gotta go to bed, got church in the morning!

Night!

CC

BFFM Summer Challenge...Do I dare???

Ok, if you are reading this I need, ok, I want, your opinion.

I received an email to sign up for the Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle (BFFM) Summer Challenge http://www.burnthefatinnercircle.com/public/Burn_The_Fat_Summer_Challenge.cfm

I have always wanted to do this challenge and even attempted it once, but stopped. I was actually doing it on my own and didn't 'really' sign up because I was too scared to fail. I really want to try and I'm scared. I have a lot of obstacles in my path with my personal life, but I have found that I will ALWAYS find obstacles for myself so I don't have to face disappointment.

Why do I want to do this? It's like a jumpstart for me. I like working towards goals, but I need a reward...an end in sight. I have tried to set goals and give myself rewards to look forward to, but I always end up giving in and just getting the 'reward' without finishing. This is something I have to finish if I want the reward! So, it will give me something to look forward to and jumpstart me at the same time.

I want to do this but I need support and help! I would appreciate your feedback!!

Thanks!

Cheryl

Weekly thoughts

Well, I didn't get all the things accomplished this week that I wanted to but I am doing better! One of my unpublished goals is to 'eat better'. With the exception of yesterday (which was my sleepover with my girls in the church youth group) I did pretty well. It's really thanks to my sister, who is diabetic and seems to have a lot of other problems that severely restrict what she can eat, hence restricting the rest of the household. For us, this is good, cause she can only eat healthy foods. So, we are slowly joining her. We are not as strict though. Example, she can't eat watermelon - too much natural sugar for her - but we still eat it.

The thing is, in eating well, I still have not lost any weight. Still at 137. I'm a bit bothered by it, but I'm taking it in stride. I always want things NOW. So I am just going to have to keep following the routine and get back on track. I say 'get back on' cause the sleepover overpowered my weakness. I tried not to eat the junk, but after 5am, I gave in...brownies, cookies, chips, pizza...yep, I had it all. I didn't eat tons of it, but it was enough that I felt horrible about it. However, I'm making the infamous "YOU-Turn" discussed in YOU on a Diet.

I need to see that I made a detour and get back on track. So, here I am, back and I decided to share two of my experiences from you. The first is a pic from the sleepover...we put on fake tattoos (it's one of my downfalls...I love fake tattoos!)

The next pic is of my niece and me at the local fair. She is the one I help my sister out with a lot and she is such a good girl...gotta love your kids (or nieces in my case) and I do :) It's people like her who make me smile :)

Well, that's it for now...Still pretty tired from my lack of sleep, so I'm turning in now. Talk to you more later!

Quick Thought

I have to go workout and then pick up my niece from school, so I don't have a lot of time, but I wanted to put this out there before I forgot.

I was painting yesterday and listening to "What Would Napoleon Hill Do?" I wasn't listening intently, because I had to keep running in and out to get things and then people kept interrupting me, so I decided I'd listen 'lightly' and more intently later.

Well, as he was talking I started thinking about my goals and why all my plans have always failed in the past. I realized that I have always set up goals using someone else's standards. For example, the 'world' says that I must weigh xxx and make a certain amount of money and look a certain way, but you know what? It's not what I want.

I feel like I am the only woman I know who does not aspire to run a company! All my friends seem to be going to school to get big degrees (masters and phd) and I just got my bachelors, but you know what? I don't want to continue on to a masters. I want to learn other things, but I have always felt that wasn't acceptable (more in my sub conscious then anything).

I felt like I had to have bigger and better goals. Really, I just want to get married and be a mom. I do want a job, but I want a job teaching my kickboxing (which doesn't pay well, but is still what I want).

In the cd, he talked about setting goals that you really believe in and I don't think I ever really believed in my goals because they weren't really what I wanted to do. So, I have a lot of revising to do, and thinking, about how to go about this.

Ok, I have more in my head but I gotta go!

TTYL!

Bathing Suit Season!!!!

First of all, I wanted to say thanks again to both Sandra and Jen...you guys are great motivation...whether it's calling me out, encouraging me on, or both. I can't tell you how much it means to me. THANKS!!!

Now, onto the two most dreaded words in the English language...bathing suit! While I am a horrible swimmer, I love water sports: white water rafting, jet skis, boating...but all of these activities require us to walk around in our bras and underwear, which are cleverly disguised by the word 'bathing suit'. Personally, I don't see much of a difference. Of course, I have never been the bikini type, I am still using the 'onesies' aka one piece suit. Still, I hate them. I very much dislike my legs and on top of it, I do not tan! There is nothing worse then a jiggly lady GLOWING in public. Heck, I might as well put a big arrow up and say 'hey! over here! help me feel MORE insecure!'

So, I did what I thought would be best...I went for a hunt on the internet for a bathing suit that I would feel comfortable in and I think I found it at www.titlenine.com - here it is:

Yes, I know it doesn't 'look' like a bathing suit, but it is and I love it. At least I love the picture. From what the details online told me, the shorts run a little small and they said to get a size up, but I didn't because I want to go down in weight and I thought if I actually had the suit to try on and mark my progress, I would do better. So, if I'm brave enough to take a pic, when I get it, and show it to you guys, I will...we'll see though ;0

May 3rd thoughts

Well, I'm at 139 now...I can only imagine it is due to my mini 'breakdown' on Saturday. Yes, I ran 10 miles in the morning, but I ate donuts, twizzlers, popcorn and pringles at night. I just let myself go and Sunday, I felt horrible. I usually lead the youth group at my church on Sunday night, but I just fell apart and ended up leaving, crying.

It felt like the weight, compounded with everything else in my life, just came crashing down. I woke up this morning and my eyes were so swollen, from crying, I could barely open them, but I did and I got up and did my Cathe back and biceps DVD with my sister and later went for my run, which turned into more of a walk.

However, on my walk I started thinking...I push myself to fail. I set goals that are so high up, that I'll never reach them and then I crash down into despair when it happens. It is for this reason that I am not going to run the 1/2 marathon. I'm not even sure I am going to run the 10K. Running is not my passion, but because of the races I was training for, it has taken the place of the things I really enjoy and I have been pretty down.

I did find that I like running sometimes, but not all the time. So, I think I'm going to switch back to Cathe, do her May rotation, as best I can, and substitute running for any DVD's I don't already have.

I'm working on my eating and it's been going well...today :) I'm just going to take things one day at a time, and I'll probably have to remind myself to do that. I want to be at my goal now, but my current plans are only hurting me, not helping me. So, I need to bring things back to my level, focus on getting my eating under control, and move from there.

It's funny, but with everything I've done in my life to lose weight, eating healthy/correctly has never been one of them. I would try but always give up after a day. My sister is trying to eat healthy too, so we are supporting one another and it helps.

I'm finally going to put into practice something I have never done before...eating healthy and working out...I know, it's astounding isn't it :)

I'm also going to post my goals on the side of the page. Simple and realistic goals...

As promised...here is my 'starting' pic from the race the other day.

10 Mile Run

Well, I did it and boy was it tough! The race was supposed to start at 7:30am but was delayed about a 1/2 hour due to a heavy downpour and lightening. It finally subsided, but then in came the bugs! I was fighting them off the entire race.

I did take some shot blocks with me, to give me energy throughout the race. I did want to do the 'GU' stuff cause it sounds gross. However, I might consider it. I really like the taste of the shot blocks, but they are so big and trying to chew something that big and run is hard. I'll consider the GU :)

Unlike my last race, I didn't have constant comments rolling through my head telling me that I couldn't do it, but I could tell I was starting to slow. At the end, I had to walk for a bit before my final run. I think I made it in about an hour and a half.

My shins and calves are pretty sore, but not really my quads. I am wondering if I am using my legs right. I'll have to check in on that. Also, my toes rubbed together, and (this might be gross...) there was blood all over my socks and shoes. I also entered my time of the month...it really wasn't the best day (haha).

I am wondering about the half I am signed up for in June. I'm thinking of moving down to a 10K. I don't want to give up running, and I won't, but I'm not sure I'm ready to do the 1/2. I'm still thinking about it. I have another long run next weekend - just part of my training, not another race - if that goes well, I will do the 1/2 but if not, I think I'm going to move it down a notch.

I'm pretty tired now but I have a b-day to go to. I'll add my pre-race pics later (forgot to take the after shot....hmmm...maybe that was on purpose?? lol)