Calling Myself Out?!?

Ok, time for some truth telling...gulp! I have been blaming my...uhhhh...lack of ability to stick to my plan on my sister and family. Basically saying (to myself) that I can't eat good or exercise well because of the food they bring in the house and the interruptions they cause to my schedule.

Well, they went away for TWO WEEKS and guess what???? Yep, that's right, I still had the same problems, IF NOT WORSE! You can see that my stats have not changed and there is NO EXCUSE for that!

I keep changing who I blame for my 'inability' to stick to things and I have to admit, it's me.

I heard something (again) recently that you all may have heard before...

"you do what you expect not what you desire."

You see, I DESIRE to lose weight and tone up. I long to look like one of the fitness models, but at the very least, to get rid of a good amount of fat so you can SEE how hard I work and the muscle hidden under there.

However, I EXPECT myself to go all 'gun ho' and then fail after a day or two.

Quite frankly, I'm not sure how to 're-program' my mind. It's not due to lack of research either. I have listened to many things on NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming). In human terms (hehe), it is reprogramming your mind in order to change your behaviors.

After all I've listened to and read (which is definitely not exhaustive), I still find myself lost on accomplishing this. At least I recognize this is a problem, right?

I need to focus on this more but some other steps also. For example, right now the whole family is eating. I ate an 1-1/2 hours ago and am not hungry. I do WANT to eat but I don't NEED to eat. I have to start evaluating food on a want/need basis.

Everyone has a different dream they are chasing and a different way of achieving it. Different things work for different people. I need to stop chasing everyone else's way and make my own.

What's Wrong with Settling???

I had to ask myself this question today because I cannot say it's unacceptable until I know the reason why.

I looked up 'settle' online and the Merriam Webster dictionary gave a lot of definitions but a couple of them caught my eye:

2 a : to sink gradually or to the bottom b : to become clear by the deposit of sediment or scum c : to become compact by sinking

wow. I do not want to live a life where I 'sink gradually to the bottom' or only become clear because all the 'scum' is not moving at the moment. This makes me feel so depressed and dirty. Yet, this is exactly how I have been living lately.

If you look over at my stats, you will see not much has changed. Why? Because all week I gave myself excuses and secretly (yep, confession time), I have been telling myself,

"well, this body is good enough. heck, it's not like you're a movie star or model. you don't have to be 'perfect!' That is too much work. How will you ever have time to have fun and be a 'real' person? Don't you want to go out with friends and eat whatever you want instead of having to worry about every meal? Don't you want to just snack on chips instead of always having boring veggies that you usually have to prepare?"

Maybe you have had some of these same thoughts. In addition to this are the thoughts about the cost of health food and the time spent away from the family.

Ultimately, these are excuses to settle...excuses to be scum. Because if I have scum in me (according to the definition) then I am scum.

I was sanding the bathroom this weekend so we can paint and the bathroom was FILLED with dust! I spent a good portion of the day yesterday cleaning it out and when I was done, it looked wonderful! Why? All the 'SCUM' was gone. It was hard to clean it all up and I kept finding dust in more cracks and cupboards, but when it was done and I knew it was done, I felt wonderful.

This is the gift I want to give myself. Scum free! So, what's wrong with settling? It leaves you without hope and dirty.

I have to scale back and take things one day at a time. Goals are good, but I need to remember that I only have this moment to live in and to worry about anything more is a waste.

I remember a quote I heard once that said, "you can wonder, but you don't have to worry." This was in reference to God. I wonder about my life, but as a follower of Christ, I don't have to worry.

Everyday is a new day. Everyday I begin fresh. Everyday I live.

I put on my smile today and go out to live.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday!

mine why I don't want to settle, I first have to know why

Father's Day

Well, of course I spent it with my dad, but I spent more of it with my nephew...

He spent most of his time on the pool table :) He really enjoyed throwing the balls...we decided not to share that with my brother :)

As far as eating went, I have to say, I did excellent! I ate before I went there so I was full and able to decline the fattening dinner and even more fattening desserts!!!

I am so proud of me!!!! I know that sounds conceited, but I have spent so much time tearing 'me' down that I need to start picking up those blocks and building me back up! I need to have some pride in myself because I am the only one who will ever care about me this much!!

I also did a workout this morning which surprised me with how it kicked my butt!!! I have to say, when it comes to working out, I'm pretty tough, so to say that means a lot. I got it off of netflix (I just recently learned that I could rent workouts over netflix). So, what w/o was it?

Yep, this is the one. It wasn't fast paced but the jumps and constant motion are what did it...either way, I loved it and plan to buy it and add it to my workout routines!

Who's to Blame?

Ever since I started trying to eat cleaner I noticed that I kept getting obstacles thrown in my way:

1. scratched my cornea and couldn't make my own meals or exercise

2. had to deal with my brother breaking his foot and needing help until he could get surgery

3. work on the house (constant pressure)

4. had a nephew who also had surgery on his foot and needed help

5. my sis has some medical problems that keep her down when they get painful and I step in

These are just a few things that have happened over the past two weeks. With all this happening, I found my resolve to stick to my clean eating even harder. I didn't have the time I needed to prepare meals and figure out what to eat and I slowly found myself eating less clean and introducing more junk (reduced fat cookies / doritos / frozen pizza rolls / buttered popcorn...).

Last night, as I was eating my pizza rolls and feeling miserable, I was thinking of all the things happening and blaming everyone else for my inability to eat clean. What I didn't want to admit is that I am the one in control of my eating.

Life is filled with challenges. It is not designed to let us live a problem free / clutter free existance. We grow stronger through these challenges if we allow ourselves to learn.

I heard someone say once, "it's never the trial that makes us stronger, it's what we choose to do with that trial." I have been allowing my trials to pave way for my excuses, so I could always have somewhere to place blame.

While I can't say I am never going to blame anyone again, I can say that I am going to start taking responsibility and I pray that every day I will grow stronger and when I fail and start to place blame again, I will once again go back to God and pray for strength to use my place in life as a building block for where I'm headed next.

These next two weeks are really committed to making the most of my situation and learning how to continue. I choose them because I have an opportunity to do it without interruptions.

Now, off to exercise and then to the grocery store to find some clean eats!

Kickboxing & Protein

Hey all! I just finished teaching two cardio kickboxing classes and I'm bushed! I love teaching but one right after the other takes a lot out of you. Sometimes I worry that I push them too hard, but I'm trying to constantly better their punches and kicks...ugh...gotta find that balance.

I am also experimenting with making homemade protein bars. So far I have had little success. The ones I made today tasted like chocolate banana bread (unfortunately I hate banana bread). I'm thinking of adding a different fruit. The ingredients are pretty easy -

2 large, ripe bananas

1 tsp. ground cinnamon

2 tbsp. unsweetened cocoa powder

3 large raw egg whites

4 oz. nonfat milk

2 1/2 c. old-fashioned rolled oats

1/3 c. Splenda

1 tbsp. olive oil (or applesauce)

2 scoops chocolate Designer Whey (or equivalent brand/flavor)

mix all / bake at 300 for 25 min. it's easy but I don't really like it.

I am thinking of using this recipe and substituting the banana...or just not putting in fruit, maybe that's what I'll do...

2 1/2 c. oats

1 scoop whey powder (use chocolate flavor)

2 tbsp. natural peanut butter

3 large egg whites

2 medium bananas mashed

1 tbsp. honey

7 tbsp. nonfat milk

1 tsp. cinnamon

mix all / bake at 180 for 15 min

I did like the protein shake I had today:

1 scoop protein powder

2 c non fat milk

1 c greek plain yogurt

1 c blueberries

1 packet crystal lite wild strawberry

ice to taste

this was sooooooo good and filling! I had a lot left over cause I couldn't finish it.

I got on the scale tonight though and while my weight is constant my body fat shot way up! I think it's the past couple days of mess ups I made. I'm really thinking of joining the kim lyons fast tract to fat loss so I can get a coach and some accountability/direction with food. I hate asking my friends to help me because I feel like they are too busy. If i hire a 'trainer' then that's their job and I don't feel bad.

Well see...if you have any thoughts / recipes just let me know!

Thx!

Day 8 - June 12

Ok, it's been awhile since I posted but there is a good reason. On June 6th I woke up with a scratched eye. It is actually a reoccurring thing, and in the past I have been able to deal with it and heal within a couple of hours, but this one was HORRIBLE. I could not move, because anytime I did move, my good eye would move and cause tremendous pain in my right eye (the scratched one).

I had to lie still all of Saturday and Sunday in order to deal with the pain. That also meant no working out or cooking my own meals, which is a real bummer since I am trying to eat fresh, healthy foods.

On Monday, I was finally able to get in and see my doc. I didn't want to go to emergency cause it would cost me so much more (i'm currently uninsured). My sis drove me there and he confirmed that it was a really bad scratch and put a contact in my eye.

You see, without the contact, the pain of blinking is equivilant to you having an open wound and rubbing something over it constantly. OUCH!

I also got some prescription eye drops and a recommendation to purchase the GenTeal eye drops. They are VERY concentrated and work well for people like me with extremely dry eyes. He also told me to start taking 2 pills a day of 1000mg flaxseed oil pills. It is supposed to help me strengthen the fatty layer over my eye and prevent future scratching.

Monday was basically spent recovering.

Tuesday, we found out that my brother broke his foot in 3 places and will need surgery to get screws and plates put in. However, it is so swollen that they could not operate right away. So they put a cast on his leg, up to his thigh, and sent him home...since he lives alone and needed help, he is staying with us. So Tuesday was spent getting him all together.

Ok, I gotta run...I'll tell you the rest later!

ps..my stats are on the side...I'm improving!!!

Day 6 - June 3rd

I think I mistakenly posted a day 6 earlier...oh well. So, I'm totally craving something junk filled. In order to avoid it, I came up to my bedroom and closed the door :) I also brushed my teeth. People say to do that when you are craving something cause then you won't want it. I think, for me, it doesn't work. I still want the junk food, but I'm not going to the kitchen. We don't have junk food anyway, but that just means I'll eat mindlessly wishing I had ice cream or cookies instead of tortilla chips :)

I forgot to post this the other day, but I found this website that calculates your ideal weight and calories. I did the long hand formulas originally and found out that this site matched them, so I think it's pretty good. If you want to check it out, go to http://www.cordianet.com/calculator.htm

As for today, not much got accomplished. I did get my nails done! My pinkie finger is broken so it doesn't bend...that's why you can't see it in the pic...

I'm happy with them :)

Then I went grocery shopping, made some dinner and went to a kickboxing class (which I was able to teach a little of myself!).

Now I'm home thinking that I need to go to bed, but before I do, here is what I ate today....

Breakfast: Oatmeal, eggs & whites, blueberries

Post workout snack: awesome protein shake with vanilla protein powder, oatmeal, ff milk and blueberries

Mid Afternoon meal: chicken breast, broccoli and brown rice.

Pre workout snack: vanilla Greek yogurt and sauteed peppers and onions (not mixed together).

Final meal: chicken breast, green beans and a cup of tea with splenda and ff milk.

I know, I need to vary the protein. Well I'm going to try some extra lean turkey meat tomorrow (Jenny-O brand). I want to put some fish in there too but I need to figure out how to cook it. Last time I set off the fire alarm...who knew?!?!

I still feel nervous about my body. I'm so impatient for change. I want to see definition in my abs and legs but I don't want to wait for the end of summer...my mom always did tell me I needed more patience lol :)

Well, I'm off to dream about being patient. nite!

Day 5

Yeah! I'm still in the running :) haha! Well, I weighed myself today and it was down 1lb!!! I hope that wasn't just water weight though. I guess I will find out soon enough. My clothes should become looser and muscles more evident (yeah!!!).

I did Cathe's GS Chest/Triceps today along with the 3DS KB. My sis has been working out with me and it's so great to have a partner! I feel like she and I are finally on the same team and it's a wonderful feeling!

Food went pretty well today. I think things might be a little boring (as far as taste goes) and the water intake needs to go up, but here is what I had....

Breakfast: oatmeal, eggs, and blueberries and coffee (yep,I'm still addicted!) Lunch: went to Coney Island and had a salad with cucumbers, tomatoes, cheese (just a little), chicken breast, olive oil & vinegar dressing and a piece of flat bread. It's the bread where I went wrong I think. Dinner: tofu mixed with green beans, seasoned with some Mrs Dash Garlic & Herb seasoning and a side of red and yellow peppers and onion (all sautéed together).

BFFM - Day 2 & 3

Well, I went to a wedding yesterday and didn't have much time to blog so I'm combining it with today. Below is a pic of me, my date (lady in black) and the mother of the bride (lady in purple).

It was a great time and we had a lot of fun! Check out this centerpiece! I thought it was really pretty!!

Here is a pic of the cake and I only had a small bite (but still too much for all I ate yesterday)...

Here is the bride and groom

All in all it was a nice day for going out.

As for exercising, it was my 'off' day, so I didn't do anything. Eating didn't go as smoothly. My sister in law brought over her homemade enchiladas with rice and a corn salsa. While I didn't have a lot, I didn't feel that it was healthy, but it was good. I ate a little at the wedding and then came home and had a midnight snack of enchiladas. So, the eating depressed me a bit, but I'm making better choices today.

Started with some plain instant oatmeal and added blueberries to it. Did B&G floor work along with 40 min of my kickboxing DVD. Still no change in the scale (rats!) or clothes but it'll happen. It's only day 3.

Ok, now it's off to painting..fun fun haha :)

Yesterday was also my rest day for exercise, but I did try out a DVD I got from
Well

BFFM - Day 1

Well, today was my official day one.

Official weight: 136.8

Official BF%: 27.6%

I couldn't believe the BF%....this means I only have 99.04 lean muscle mass and 37.76 lbs of pure lard! HOLY MOLY! I thought I was at least in the 100's with my muscle mass.

Despite being a bit down about that, I am still positive. I can feel that this time is different. I have a real goal, one that I can't quit and just say 'oh well, maybe some other time.' I also joined up with some other people as a team, in order to help my accountability. I'm excited to see my transformation.

My niece was telling me how she needed motivation to workout and I told her my (soon-to-be) awesome body would be all the motivation she would need. After all, she can't let her 'old' aunt look better then her...ahhh, I look forward to that day :) I love her to death, but I just want to prove to her that eating clean and working out do give you the body we always wanted.

My eating was pretty good but needs to get 'cleaner' and more portioned. I ate healthy meals for the most part, but that's not good enough, so I'm going to focus on finding new 'cleaner' meals to eat.

I did the Cathe Chest and Triceps today and along with weed whacking the lawn, my arms are KILLING me :)

So, I gotta go rest. haha

BFFM Challenge - I'M IN!

Ok! I did it...yikes! I signed up to do the Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle Summer 2010 challenge. I had to take my 'before' shots and yikes! It's not until I took those shots and measured my body fat percentage that I thought, 'Cheryl old girl, you really need to stop hiding under clothes and CHANGE YOUR BODY so you can stop DREAMING about who you want to be and start LIVING out that girl!

So, I'm posting my 'before' pics here, along with my weight and (yikes again) body fat %.

I'd appreciate any advice on foods to eat as that seems to be my downfall. I think exercise is going well. So, here goes nothing!

DAY ONE

Last weigh in I was at 136.8 with a BF of 26.8% Tomorrow will be my official weight and BF % and also my official day one, so I'll put it all up tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing the change!!!!

BFFM Summer Challenge...Do I dare???

Ok, if you are reading this I need, ok, I want, your opinion.

I received an email to sign up for the Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle (BFFM) Summer Challenge http://www.burnthefatinnercircle.com/public/Burn_The_Fat_Summer_Challenge.cfm

I have always wanted to do this challenge and even attempted it once, but stopped. I was actually doing it on my own and didn't 'really' sign up because I was too scared to fail. I really want to try and I'm scared. I have a lot of obstacles in my path with my personal life, but I have found that I will ALWAYS find obstacles for myself so I don't have to face disappointment.

Why do I want to do this? It's like a jumpstart for me. I like working towards goals, but I need a reward...an end in sight. I have tried to set goals and give myself rewards to look forward to, but I always end up giving in and just getting the 'reward' without finishing. This is something I have to finish if I want the reward! So, it will give me something to look forward to and jumpstart me at the same time.

I want to do this but I need support and help! I would appreciate your feedback!!

Thanks!

Cheryl