May 3rd thoughts

Well, I'm at 139 now...I can only imagine it is due to my mini 'breakdown' on Saturday. Yes, I ran 10 miles in the morning, but I ate donuts, twizzlers, popcorn and pringles at night. I just let myself go and Sunday, I felt horrible. I usually lead the youth group at my church on Sunday night, but I just fell apart and ended up leaving, crying.

It felt like the weight, compounded with everything else in my life, just came crashing down. I woke up this morning and my eyes were so swollen, from crying, I could barely open them, but I did and I got up and did my Cathe back and biceps DVD with my sister and later went for my run, which turned into more of a walk.

However, on my walk I started thinking...I push myself to fail. I set goals that are so high up, that I'll never reach them and then I crash down into despair when it happens. It is for this reason that I am not going to run the 1/2 marathon. I'm not even sure I am going to run the 10K. Running is not my passion, but because of the races I was training for, it has taken the place of the things I really enjoy and I have been pretty down.

I did find that I like running sometimes, but not all the time. So, I think I'm going to switch back to Cathe, do her May rotation, as best I can, and substitute running for any DVD's I don't already have.

I'm working on my eating and it's been going well...today :) I'm just going to take things one day at a time, and I'll probably have to remind myself to do that. I want to be at my goal now, but my current plans are only hurting me, not helping me. So, I need to bring things back to my level, focus on getting my eating under control, and move from there.

It's funny, but with everything I've done in my life to lose weight, eating healthy/correctly has never been one of them. I would try but always give up after a day. My sister is trying to eat healthy too, so we are supporting one another and it helps.

I'm finally going to put into practice something I have never done before...eating healthy and working out...I know, it's astounding isn't it :)

I'm also going to post my goals on the side of the page. Simple and realistic goals...

As promised...here is my 'starting' pic from the race the other day.