Starting Again???

Wow! I haven't been on here in forever! I know, you think I had fallen off the face of the earth right? I don't know what really happened.

I finished one month of Insanity and didn't want to continue the second month because I was missing my weights...I felt like a failure. It felt like something else in my life I just didn't accomplish and 'failed' at doing.

So, while I continued to exercise, I stopped being accountable. My exercising is usually pretty good, even if I miss a day I know I will come back to it. It's my eating that is the problem. So after I felt as thought I failed, I stopped keeping track of things and simply stopped trying.

My job helped me to continue this because I don't have the time to eat during the day and often times it is 6 - 7 hours from breakfast to lunch and then I'm starving!!!

This job is also mentally taxing on me. While I'm learning a lot, that is not what I'm talking about. It is my boss. She is great but she is also 5' 5" (my height) and 115lbs. This is a killer for me. I am 135 so all the little demons in my head are just telling me how huge I am and I have started back on some bad habits...like not packing lunch / dinner or eating late at night cause I didn't eat enough during the day cause I didn't want to eat in front of her.

I know this is in my head and I need to conquer it. There will ALWAYS be someone better looking / smarter / more physically fit...etc then me. I need to just be the "best version of ME" (as Sandrelle so nicely put it on her post). As long as I keep telling myself I'm worthless, I will treat myself that way.

I need to start loving me. I've said that before and I wonder if this time it will truly happen, but I'm not going to worry about that, just move from today.

So, I'm starting my new year now. I know I won't get online every day cause neither my job nor my Internet connection allow that, but I will continue posting and keeping myself accountable.

That said, I am going to try Bikram yoga again, starting Sunday....yoga in a room that is 105 degrees!!!! I'd love to stick with it, but money will determine that one...haha!

Here's to being the best version of ourselves!!!

Merry Christmas!