Live Like Andi - Pre Race Evening

Well, tomorrow is my 10 mile race for the "Live Like Andi Foundation" http://livelikeandi.org/

I feel better about this race then I did a couple weeks ago. While I have never run 10 miles, I feel that I can do it and actually enjoy it (something I NEVER thought I'd do while running!). Maybe it is because I'm thinking of Andi. While I never knew her, she lived a live of courage and determination...something I want to do. She faced challenges I hope to never know. My journey is not to simply lose weight, but to gain a "ME" that I have never known...one that enjoys life and passes that joy on to others...Much like Andi did. I copied her story from her website and while it is long, it is worth reading. I think her life will inspire you just as it did me.

Andrea Whitesell O'Connell, the inspiration for the Live Like Andi Foundation, was just 40 years old when she passed away in 2007 from Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma (ACC). Andi was diagnosed when she was just 19 years old, and although life expectancy for an ACC patient is five to seven years, Andi proved to be an exception and fought her cancer for 21 years! Andi's optimism and hope were the outward signs of her courageous battle against the disease that took her life way too early. Her spirit and her profound influence on those around her live on in her legacy.

The following excerpts from Andi's eulogy, given by her husband Michael O'Connell, give us all insight into her amazing character and her determination to "Live, Laugh, Love."

Happiness and Hope

What is true happiness? What is the meaning of life? Most people search for these answers their entire life never realizing one or both. Andrea not only knew the answers to both of these questions but also lived them every day of her life. Look around this church. Look at all of the people she touched. Every person here could come up and tell the others what a beautiful person she was inside and out. She lit up a room when she walked in. She made you feel warm when she smiled. But there was really more to it than that. She offered every one of us hope. Hope that no matter how difficult a situation we encounter or how dreadfully sick we may become there is ALWAYS HOPE. Hope that gives you the strength to move forward. Hope that gives you courage to endure the pain. Hope that you will not only get to live to see tomorrow – but that there might even be a shoe sale at Macy's!

Cancer by the Numbers

Andi never gave up. Many of the people who knew her never had any idea what she endured. Over 21 years she endured seven life-threatening surgeries – and wore her scars like beauty marks! She walked into more than 100 rounds of radiation with a smile and determination. She was injected with chemo over 200 times with no medical evidence to suggest that the painful side effects she was about to endure would even work. On nearly 40 occasions she was given the "bad news" that her cancer had spread or grown. She winced and accepted almost 1,000 needle pokes. She said "this fight" was her job. She joked that she fought cancer Monday through Friday - but took weekends off! She never admitted she was dying until a mere 30 hours before she died, an astonishing 184,000 hours after she was diagnosed! She never asked "why me?" She never questioned how or why she carried this burden. Yet she proclaimed to everyone she met "I am SO lucky. Yes lucky!" Lucky that she was able to fight as long as she did. Lucky to have the best friends and family one could ever ask for. Lucky, as she said before she died, that she had met the love of her life. And the most lucky to be able to have her three beautiful children

Family and Friends

Ah yes, her children. Her kids quickly took over as Andi's real job in life. Tyler, you have her eyes, her smile and sensitivity. She was so proud of everything you did. Gabrielle, you have her love of cheering life, sense of humor and ability to shop till you drop. Olivia, you have your mom's love and care for your 'babies.' Your sun-kissed freckles will always remind us of your mom. All three of you were her life; she will always live in your hearts. So don't be surprised if you hear a little voice that says, "be careful," "did you put on sunscreen?" or "kids, play somewhere where I can see you!"

I have never known someone to have as many "good friends" as Andi. She loved her friends so dearly. Every one of them from grade school to college to Pembrooke to our neighbors to her girls group, "The Martini Mamas." They shared their lives, love and hopes with one another. I know they will keep a special place for Andi with them forever. And lest we not mention her 'sisters.' You didn't know Andi had sisters? Sherry Dillon Bergum, Teresa Ripperger Radtke and Michele Young King shared Andrea's life. The good times and bad. She could always count on them. I thank them dearly for that and will always love them.

But her best and closest friends were her parents. Andrea called her mom EVERY day of her life at 8:30 a.m. But as you could guess that was probably the first of two or three calls between them that day. Her daddy was a great sense of pride for Andi; she beamed in his presence. Terry and Julia were her guiding inspiration to be the mom and person she became. She was so proud of big brother Brian and she cherished the few years that her younger brother Jeff lived in Michigan. My family quickly fell in love with the girl with the big curls from Indiana. My mom knew right away I had fallen for her.

Cheetah Print, High Heels and a Beautiful Smile!

Andrea was glamorous! God gave her style and grace. When we had occasion to go out at night (a "date" as she always called them) as usual I would be waiting for her at the kitchen island. After what seemed like eternity my attention would be instinctively drawn to our stairs. I would first see her high heels and long beautiful legs as she descended the stairs. It seemed as if she was in slow motion as she fastened her earring and gently bent to pull the strap of her high heel before she turned to me and smiled. It was as if I were seeing her again for the first time.

An Angel Among Us

Andrea always worried that she was causing all who loved her any worry or despair. Just three weeks ago as she prepared for her Gamma Knife surgery to her brain tumors the doctors proceeded to affix a 'halo' around her head to deliver the radiation. As I knelt down at her feet and held her hands she smiled at me as the screws went into her head. She squeezed my hands and asked, "are you OK?" Andi - we are all OK because of you. Your life will never be defined by how you died but how you LIVED! We can all carry her love of life and feel her true happiness with each of us every day for the rest of our lives. Andrea, you will be greatly missed but we know your spirit will live on.

Stuck in a Rut...

Alrighty...I did it. I got stuck in the hamster wheel of dieting and exercise. I started this blog with all the same "tricks of the trade" that I have used before and thought I would get a different result. I didn't realize that until Sandra pointed it out. My problem is I don't know what to do next. So I'm looking for suggestions. I think I'll go post on the www.cathe.com website too and ask opinions. I really need to do something new.

The 1/2 marathon is 'new' for me, but my knees have also been hurting lately. So I'm not sure if I can continue that form of exercise, at least not as a daily (or even 4x a week, which is what I do now). I love my kickboxing...you know, I don't think the problem is with my exercise, it is with my motivation and eating.

I just haven't found that all encompassing 'why' to keep me going. I can say it's cause I want to look great in a swimsuit, but that thought is followed with "well, I don't really go anywhere in a swimsuit and plus I can wear shorts."

I do this with all my supposed reasons. I want to lose it but I keep giving in to the excuses.

I did order the Sugar Buster's cookbook, book and shopping guide. Part because I want to eat better and part cause I'm doing the cooking in the house and my sis is diabetic, so I need to make things that are diabetic friendly. We can still eat many of the same recipes, but they have to be altered to meet diabetic criteria, that's where this book comes in. So, we'll see how that goes.

I still feel like I need a solid answer to my 'why?' question though. hmmm.....

8 miles

whew! just finished my 8 miles on the treadmill...wow! first of all, what a difference it is from running inside vs outside! I feel safer running inside, in the sense of if I can't make it, I don't have to still make my way back home, cause I'm already here. then there is wind resistance outside which also makes a big difference. While the outside has beauty and changing scenery, the inside contains my safety, which I think really makes a big deal to me.

When I run outside (at least now) I worry about not making it home and the whole time I'm running, I'm thinking all these crazy thoughts. When I run inside, my mind relaxes and my body takes over and I don't feel so drained.

So, I think I'm going to take my shorter runs outside and my longer ones inside, until I feel more comfortable with what I'm doing.

Now, off to start the rest of my day!

Self

Ok, I went for my 3miles today and I was dying! But you know what was interesting? I wasn't breathing heavy and my legs weren't all out of gas. It was my mind.

When it all comes down to it, I don't believe in myself. I don't have any confidence that I can do it. I am constantly looking to others for validation, but I never tell anyone that. I want them to just notice me. i do this with everything.

So, now that I know my problem, I have to figure out a way out of the pit. That part I'm not sure about...any ideas?

Running & Gear

Ok, yesterday I ran 5 miles (with a slight pause). It was pretty funny, because as I started my run, it felt like my legs were going a mile a minute but my breath couldn't quite catch up! about 2 miles in, I had to walk and try to match them up. It didn't help that I didn't wear my wicking headband (www.bondiband.com). My headband not only has a cute saying, but it is awesome for keeping sweat out of your face and eyes (by they way, they have a ton of cute designs and bands for tri's and biking too).

So, my eyes were stinging from the sweat too and I had to take care of that. After I was all settled, I started up again. I tell you, I thought I was going to fall over! I wasn't even going to do the whole five miles, but the closer I got to home, the closer I got to five miles, so I decided to run every cul-de-sac in my sub and by the time I reached home, I was at 5! How do I know? Well, I also ended up buying a Garmin watch (yep, I'm committed now). This thing gives me so much information...it tells me time, distance, calories, and has a GPS (something I DESPERATELY need!!).

Yes, it is as big as it looks - definitely not for fashion - but with all the info it gives me, I don't mind so much anymore. I just thank God that it fits! I have to go all the way to the last buckle! Oh, it also has a heart rate monitor! I'm going to try wearing that for the first time tonight. We'll see how it goes. I can also upload my info to my computer. It's good for keeping track of everything, but I'm still not sure I like the mapping on it. I prefer http://www.daftlogic.com/projects-google-maps-distance-calculator.htm for that...it's great for planning my routes :)

Ok, I think that's enough stalling! I'm headed out for 3 miles...Saturday is my long run...8 miles!! Gotta build up for that 1/2!

Martian Marathon...10K Results

This is me after the Martian Marathon! Trying to look cute despite feeling self conscious about my legs :) I ran the 10K and my time was 57:05. It's improved since last year, but I honestly didn't feel that great. I think it was because my training was off this week. I ran 5 miles on Monday, did Kickboxing on Tuesday, nothing on Wed/Thurs, and only yoga on Friday. I think if I had ran more I would have felt better.

One thing I have to do is train more on hills. There were two at the end and WHOA! They weren't huge but when you're already tired, it's a challenge.

I'm excited/scared for my May 1st race (10miles). I am just going to keep training and do what I can do. we'll see.

I'm so tired right now. I just finished grouting the kitchen floor and now I'm off to paint some trim. Ugh!

Oh, despite the comment I made about trying to trick my mind with my weight, I weighed myself today...138 before the race and 135 after...must have lost A LOT of water there. I'm not happy about the 138, but I'm trying to give myself incentive to lose it. I really want some cute running shorts, but i'm not doing it at this weight...sooo...when I lose it, I'm going to buy them, either from Title Nine or Lucy. I love both stores and styles :)

Ok, I need to go paint! Have a great Day !

Knowing when to stop

Oh my goodness! I'm so tired today!!! I was dragging all day and came home and fell on the couch. I promised to go to a kickboxing class but got there a half hour late. I taught one song only and was complimented on my energy! I totally faked it.

Since I didn't get a good workout, I want to do one now, but my mind and body are so tired. Since I have my 10K race on Saturday, I'm going to take off today, do a short run or my kickboxing tomorrow, and just relax. I just can't go it today.

I did feel a bit down when I went to the running store to try on some shorts and they looked horrible. I think I'm a combination of fat and muscle right now, so i'm extra big. I just need the fat to fall off. I have to keep telling myself to be patient though.

I think relaxing tonight is a good idea though ;)

Who I am

You know, I've spent a lot of my LIFE looking through magazines, wanting so desperately to be one of those models. It was not so I could be pretty, but so people would like me. I have always been in search of the perfect _____ (fill in the blank) that would make me acceptable.

In doing this, I failed to see who I am. Right now, I am simply a chameleon, adapting and changing to my environment in order to fit in. This blog was another attempt to change - lose weight so I could again, try to fit in. But where does it stop? What will I have to change next?

I want to know who I am. I know I like exercising, but I always take it to extremes. If I am not dripping in sweat or painfully sore, then I must not have worked hard enough. I can't do yoga cause that is a waste of a good calorie burning session...or so I thought. The problem with extremes is it can only last so long. Like the saying goes 'you can't sprint a marathon', but Lord knows I've tried :)

After I get tired of sprinting, do you think I slow down? Nooooooo...I stop completely and give up ALL hope of ever reaching my goal. Hence the reason my weight went up after my first weigh in.

Speaking of weigh ins I wanted to try a little experiment this month. A mind game. I am going to put my goal weight on my scale, stand on it and take a picture (not this week though cause my camera is in NC - I left it there when visiting, but my sis is bringing it back). I will weigh myself for real, tomorrow but the rest of this month's weigh-ins will be my goal weight with the picture. At the end of the month, I'll weigh myself, for real, again and see what the outcome is.

I am also working on my view of food and how to change that but I don't want to get too ahead of myself. What I do know is I don't have a positive self image and I need to find out more about me, becuase, when it all comes down to it, the person I want to be most is...myself.