Food....ugh

Ok, most of the things I see for losing weight are focused on exercising. Maybe it's just what I see cause that is what I like. What I don't like is all the food prep. I could lie and say I'm doing well, but I'm not.

I seem to only see how difficult it is. Someone eating all 'my' food / someone buying a lot of junk and bringing it into the house / late night scrapbooking sessions with lots of food / cost of health food / food prep / logging calories / writing down what I eat...everything / etc...

What I need is an easy way to start. I have the workout part down pat, but how can I get myself away from the junk without doing a complete 360 and overwhelming myself??? Suggestions??

Back for another round!

Ok, as you can see, I made it full circle in my weight. How did it happen? I hurt my back while laying wood floors (1000 sq ft!!) and let myself get caught up in my problem.

I didn't want to post here and admit my failure, hence the long time between posts, but I'm back because I am not a failure! I will not accept this and there is no reason I can't start again.

So, on Monday I started again and while my BFFM challenge ends in September I have my final goal (to achieve and go into maintenance) in December. Hitting September will just be another milestone. It doesn't mean I won't start now, I am, but I'm not stopping cause I don't think I'll reach my final goal in Sept.

I am also growing out my hair! I'll post my styles at different stages. Hope I make it through the in between stage!!!!

Anyway, Just wanted to let you know I'm still here and kicking!!!

Calling Myself Out?!?

Ok, time for some truth telling...gulp! I have been blaming my...uhhhh...lack of ability to stick to my plan on my sister and family. Basically saying (to myself) that I can't eat good or exercise well because of the food they bring in the house and the interruptions they cause to my schedule.

Well, they went away for TWO WEEKS and guess what???? Yep, that's right, I still had the same problems, IF NOT WORSE! You can see that my stats have not changed and there is NO EXCUSE for that!

I keep changing who I blame for my 'inability' to stick to things and I have to admit, it's me.

I heard something (again) recently that you all may have heard before...

"you do what you expect not what you desire."

You see, I DESIRE to lose weight and tone up. I long to look like one of the fitness models, but at the very least, to get rid of a good amount of fat so you can SEE how hard I work and the muscle hidden under there.

However, I EXPECT myself to go all 'gun ho' and then fail after a day or two.

Quite frankly, I'm not sure how to 're-program' my mind. It's not due to lack of research either. I have listened to many things on NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming). In human terms (hehe), it is reprogramming your mind in order to change your behaviors.

After all I've listened to and read (which is definitely not exhaustive), I still find myself lost on accomplishing this. At least I recognize this is a problem, right?

I need to focus on this more but some other steps also. For example, right now the whole family is eating. I ate an 1-1/2 hours ago and am not hungry. I do WANT to eat but I don't NEED to eat. I have to start evaluating food on a want/need basis.

Everyone has a different dream they are chasing and a different way of achieving it. Different things work for different people. I need to stop chasing everyone else's way and make my own.

What's Wrong with Settling???

I had to ask myself this question today because I cannot say it's unacceptable until I know the reason why.

I looked up 'settle' online and the Merriam Webster dictionary gave a lot of definitions but a couple of them caught my eye:

2 a : to sink gradually or to the bottom b : to become clear by the deposit of sediment or scum c : to become compact by sinking

wow. I do not want to live a life where I 'sink gradually to the bottom' or only become clear because all the 'scum' is not moving at the moment. This makes me feel so depressed and dirty. Yet, this is exactly how I have been living lately.

If you look over at my stats, you will see not much has changed. Why? Because all week I gave myself excuses and secretly (yep, confession time), I have been telling myself,

"well, this body is good enough. heck, it's not like you're a movie star or model. you don't have to be 'perfect!' That is too much work. How will you ever have time to have fun and be a 'real' person? Don't you want to go out with friends and eat whatever you want instead of having to worry about every meal? Don't you want to just snack on chips instead of always having boring veggies that you usually have to prepare?"

Maybe you have had some of these same thoughts. In addition to this are the thoughts about the cost of health food and the time spent away from the family.

Ultimately, these are excuses to settle...excuses to be scum. Because if I have scum in me (according to the definition) then I am scum.

I was sanding the bathroom this weekend so we can paint and the bathroom was FILLED with dust! I spent a good portion of the day yesterday cleaning it out and when I was done, it looked wonderful! Why? All the 'SCUM' was gone. It was hard to clean it all up and I kept finding dust in more cracks and cupboards, but when it was done and I knew it was done, I felt wonderful.

This is the gift I want to give myself. Scum free! So, what's wrong with settling? It leaves you without hope and dirty.

I have to scale back and take things one day at a time. Goals are good, but I need to remember that I only have this moment to live in and to worry about anything more is a waste.

I remember a quote I heard once that said, "you can wonder, but you don't have to worry." This was in reference to God. I wonder about my life, but as a follower of Christ, I don't have to worry.

Everyday is a new day. Everyday I begin fresh. Everyday I live.

I put on my smile today and go out to live.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday!

mine why I don't want to settle, I first have to know why