3/29/10 Weight

Well, with my electronics still not working, I'll just have to post my weight rather then post a pic...drum roll....137.5...

I just keep thinking of that line from Anne of Green Gables, "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it." :)

UGH...

Ok, I've half fallen off the wagon. I think one thing lead to another and pow! I say "half" cause I am still exercising (training for my 1/2 marathon), but I am eating HORRIBLY.

Somehow, I've picked up craving things at night...then I have stayed up late and just snacked all night and this has been going on for two weeks (I say this with my eyes squeezed tight cause I know I'm in trouble...yikes!) I haven't posted my weight cause I didn't want to see or admit to the number, but it has to stop. Today.

I feel like that verse in the Bible...For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. (Rom 7:18b - 19). this is how I feel every time I start exercising. I was thinking that I may make the program to hard or too strict, because within a week, it seems all I can think about is "I have to do this for the REST OF MY LIFE...AGGGHHHHH!!!"

I think I should feel good, not dreading it, and definitely not dreading it for the rest of my life. I also tend to get down on myself when I fail...even if it is just one time. I just let it all go. This is another reason why I think I am too strict. It's like I can't do anything. I don't know why I do this, other then I think it is the only way I will conquer this.

While I want to lose weight and tone up, I think my main goal is to really conquer this demon in my head that whips me around from good to bad. I want to prove to myself that I can do this and not just for one day, but forever. I think that when I reach my goal, in a healthy manner, I will have proven this to myself.

That said, I am going to go and do my run. I'm in week two of the following schedule: http://www.marathonrookie.com/support-files/10weekhalfmarathonschedule.pdf

It will be a challenging week cause of Easter plans, but I still plan to stick to my running! It's the eating where I need all your prayers!

Weight (gulp!) will follow after my run...

Month 2!!

Ok, I know I didn't add anything yesterday, but I did weigh myself. I've just been having 'technical' difficulties :)

Right now I'm at 136.5 Not really where I want to be but considering what's been going on and that I'm now back on track, I feel good about this.

I have been having boy troubles and it all came to a peak when he stood me up for our date. Oh my goodness, was I crushed!!! I really liked this guy and the sad thing is, I still like him, but for he sake of my heart, I had to let him go. It's really killing me. My stomach can't seem to settle down and I feel sad almost all the time.

I so wish he would pursue me and at least act like everything he said was true. WOW...it was a hard pill to swallow. So, I allowed myself to fall off track. Didn't eat right or exercise consistently.

This week, though, I started my 1/2 marathon training. I ran 3 miles on Monday and I think I go another 3 tomorrow, I'll have to check the schedule though. It's not much, but I feel good the whole way, which bodes well for my upcoming 10K!

It's funny, cause I'm not a runner, but I love races. I love the feeling of running with all those people and having them cheer you on. I pretend they are all cheering just for and it helps me go on. :)

So, here starts another month and I look forward to reporting even more favorable results next month!!

Martian Marathon...10K

Ok, before I can run my half marathon, I need to get in some practice. So while I'm training, I read that it was good to get in some other races and build up to your big goal! The first one is the Martian Marathon, Saturday, April 10th.

Link: http://www.martianmarathon.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=22&Itemid=61

I did a 10K last year, but I haven't run since then (yikes!). So, I thought I'd use this one as my first builder. It will motivate me to start my training and get my gear - two things I have yet to do. I will say, I am scared, but I'm excited too. I know running is supposed to be great for your body, especially your legs (which seem to be my problem area).

I'm heading to the Running Fit store (schedule permitting) tomorrow for shoes and advice. I'll let you know what happens....yeah!!

Goals

Ok, I have decided that I need a goal. I am a person who needs something to work towards in order not to get bored and give up. So, I have decided to sign up for a few 1/2 marathons (Sandra inspired me with her Triathlons!). I already committed to doing it with a friend, but even if she can't do all the same ones, I'm still going for it. I'm so close to meeting my goals...I always have been, but I never reach out and grab them. This time I'm going to get them and not let go! :)

I have never done a 1/2 but I did two 10K's last year. So I figure if I start training now, I'll be ready for them in June (I think that is when the first one is). I'm excited and scared at the same time, but I remember hearing/reading somewhere that your goals should be exciting and a little scary - not frightening - but the kind of scary that gives you excitement.

anyway, as soon as I sign up for them I'll post them on here and keep track of my training...yeah!!!

Working down the ladder

Yep, that's what I'm doing. I finally climbed out of my pit of self pity and decided to stop with the excuses. As I told you last post, I found out that I can achieve what I expect, I just happened to expect to GAIN instead of LOSE weight. Therefore, I didn't look for healthy alternatives or watch what time I ate or how much I ate. I just got in the car of expectations and let the driver take me where he wanted.

Today, I was talking to a friend who is constantly complaining about her problems but never really wants a solution. She just wants people to take pity on her. I told her that EVERY day she needs to make a choice and that following that choice won't always be easy or fun, but it will ALWAYS be worth it, cause she will be making a choice to better herself.

Boy, was I preaching to me or WHAT! I have that SAME choice to make every day, with the same benefit, yet I have been choosing to complain. Wow...I needed that little talk.

So I weighed myself and I'm at 136.5. It's up from 135, but down from 138. I just need to keep it moving by making those good choices every day and talking to all of you. I need to keep myself accountable to what I have promised.

Expectations

In case you didn't notice, I did not post my weight on Monday. Why? Because I achieved my goal. I know that may sound odd, but let me explain.

You see, 2 weeks ago, I weighed 135 and I was convinced that it was a false reading. I EXPECTED this past Monday to be at a higher weight. So, what did I do? I worked toward my expectation rather then my desire. I still have not stepped on the scale, but I did realize something...while I don't think I achieved a lower weight, I found that I can achieve anything I EXPECT.

If I expect to lose weight, I will. If I expect to gain weight, I will. In a sense, my weight has very little to do with nutrition & exercise. It is more about my mind. I need to fuel my mind with the correct expectations, positive reinforcement. I need to see why I allow myself to fail. What are those obstacles that I let overtake me? I know that I allow myself to be taken down by obstacles because I have also seen myself prevail through them.

Over the next couple of posts, I'm going to go back over my past week and look at obstacles I see and work on solutions...

It started on Wed the 24th. I was hungry, but I was supposed to go out on a date and didn't want to eat beforehand. It ended up that he cancelled and by the time I got home, I was starving! It just so happened that my brother brought over Jet's bbq chicken pizza and I had THREE pieces!! With each bite, I felt guilt, but I didn't care.

Obstacle #1: Emotions - while I was hungry, I ate more so cause I allowed myself to fall into the trap of "why bother, no one is going to like me anyway." What I failed to realize is that I am not doing this for a guy or anyone else. This is for ME, so I can feel good about ME.

Solution #1: hmmm....I have to think on this one. Suggestions?