Somehow, I've picked up craving things at night...then I have stayed up late and just snacked all night and this has been going on for two weeks (I say this with my eyes squeezed tight cause I know I'm in trouble...yikes!) I haven't posted my weight cause I didn't want to see or admit to the number, but it has to stop. Today.
I feel like that verse in the Bible...For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. (Rom 7:18b - 19). this is how I feel every time I start exercising. I was thinking that I may make the program to hard or too strict, because within a week, it seems all I can think about is "I have to do this for the REST OF MY LIFE...AGGGHHHHH!!!"
I think I should feel good, not dreading it, and definitely not dreading it for the rest of my life. I also tend to get down on myself when I fail...even if it is just one time. I just let it all go. This is another reason why I think I am too strict. It's like I can't do anything. I don't know why I do this, other then I think it is the only way I will conquer this.
While I want to lose weight and tone up, I think my main goal is to really conquer this demon in my head that whips me around from good to bad. I want to prove to myself that I can do this and not just for one day, but forever. I think that when I reach my goal, in a healthy manner, I will have proven this to myself.
That said, I am going to go and do my run. I'm in week two of the following schedule: http://www.marathonrookie.com/support-files/10weekhalfmarathonschedule.pdf
It will be a challenging week cause of Easter plans, but I still plan to stick to my running! It's the eating where I need all your prayers!
Weight (gulp!) will follow after my run...
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