Fitbook!

Ok, so I decided I needed to write everything down, I believe I mentioned this in another post. Anyway, I decided to splurge and get the "Fitbook". I was going to put a pic here but my mind is turning up blank on how to do that...could be cause it's 1am and I'm brain dead at this time. So I posted the link instead.

http://www.getfitbook.com/

What's great about it? Well, for someone like me who is constantly writing different things in different places (measurements, goals, workouts, eating, motivation, etc) this book is a dream! It's a one stop shop! It's a 12 week book where you write down your starting measurements, weight, and bf. Then you set up your workouts for a month, further detailing them to a week and finally a day. It also provides a place for you to write down your motivation and what you will give yourself as a reward!

I have this month all to myself and I really want to surprise my sister the next time I see her. I know I won't be at my goal, cause it will have only been 4 weeks and not 12, but I plan on being leaner and stronger by September.

We also have a plan to go to the waterpark before school starts and while my bathing suit is modest, it is a bit tight...and I bought a bigger size too! So, that needs to change.

I think I better go write that down in the fit book too!

Oh, one more note about it. The book is not a journal, meaning you can't write endless pages, but that's ok cause then it leads right into being an action book.

I'm excited about this and already seeing changes. Can't wait for more to come!

Food....ugh

Ok, most of the things I see for losing weight are focused on exercising. Maybe it's just what I see cause that is what I like. What I don't like is all the food prep. I could lie and say I'm doing well, but I'm not.

I seem to only see how difficult it is. Someone eating all 'my' food / someone buying a lot of junk and bringing it into the house / late night scrapbooking sessions with lots of food / cost of health food / food prep / logging calories / writing down what I eat...everything / etc...

What I need is an easy way to start. I have the workout part down pat, but how can I get myself away from the junk without doing a complete 360 and overwhelming myself??? Suggestions??

Back for another round!

Ok, as you can see, I made it full circle in my weight. How did it happen? I hurt my back while laying wood floors (1000 sq ft!!) and let myself get caught up in my problem.

I didn't want to post here and admit my failure, hence the long time between posts, but I'm back because I am not a failure! I will not accept this and there is no reason I can't start again.

So, on Monday I started again and while my BFFM challenge ends in September I have my final goal (to achieve and go into maintenance) in December. Hitting September will just be another milestone. It doesn't mean I won't start now, I am, but I'm not stopping cause I don't think I'll reach my final goal in Sept.

I am also growing out my hair! I'll post my styles at different stages. Hope I make it through the in between stage!!!!

Anyway, Just wanted to let you know I'm still here and kicking!!!

Calling Myself Out?!?

Ok, time for some truth telling...gulp! I have been blaming my...uhhhh...lack of ability to stick to my plan on my sister and family. Basically saying (to myself) that I can't eat good or exercise well because of the food they bring in the house and the interruptions they cause to my schedule.

Well, they went away for TWO WEEKS and guess what???? Yep, that's right, I still had the same problems, IF NOT WORSE! You can see that my stats have not changed and there is NO EXCUSE for that!

I keep changing who I blame for my 'inability' to stick to things and I have to admit, it's me.

I heard something (again) recently that you all may have heard before...

"you do what you expect not what you desire."

You see, I DESIRE to lose weight and tone up. I long to look like one of the fitness models, but at the very least, to get rid of a good amount of fat so you can SEE how hard I work and the muscle hidden under there.

However, I EXPECT myself to go all 'gun ho' and then fail after a day or two.

Quite frankly, I'm not sure how to 're-program' my mind. It's not due to lack of research either. I have listened to many things on NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming). In human terms (hehe), it is reprogramming your mind in order to change your behaviors.

After all I've listened to and read (which is definitely not exhaustive), I still find myself lost on accomplishing this. At least I recognize this is a problem, right?

I need to focus on this more but some other steps also. For example, right now the whole family is eating. I ate an 1-1/2 hours ago and am not hungry. I do WANT to eat but I don't NEED to eat. I have to start evaluating food on a want/need basis.

Everyone has a different dream they are chasing and a different way of achieving it. Different things work for different people. I need to stop chasing everyone else's way and make my own.

What's Wrong with Settling???

I had to ask myself this question today because I cannot say it's unacceptable until I know the reason why.

I looked up 'settle' online and the Merriam Webster dictionary gave a lot of definitions but a couple of them caught my eye:

2 a : to sink gradually or to the bottom b : to become clear by the deposit of sediment or scum c : to become compact by sinking

wow. I do not want to live a life where I 'sink gradually to the bottom' or only become clear because all the 'scum' is not moving at the moment. This makes me feel so depressed and dirty. Yet, this is exactly how I have been living lately.

If you look over at my stats, you will see not much has changed. Why? Because all week I gave myself excuses and secretly (yep, confession time), I have been telling myself,

"well, this body is good enough. heck, it's not like you're a movie star or model. you don't have to be 'perfect!' That is too much work. How will you ever have time to have fun and be a 'real' person? Don't you want to go out with friends and eat whatever you want instead of having to worry about every meal? Don't you want to just snack on chips instead of always having boring veggies that you usually have to prepare?"

Maybe you have had some of these same thoughts. In addition to this are the thoughts about the cost of health food and the time spent away from the family.

Ultimately, these are excuses to settle...excuses to be scum. Because if I have scum in me (according to the definition) then I am scum.

I was sanding the bathroom this weekend so we can paint and the bathroom was FILLED with dust! I spent a good portion of the day yesterday cleaning it out and when I was done, it looked wonderful! Why? All the 'SCUM' was gone. It was hard to clean it all up and I kept finding dust in more cracks and cupboards, but when it was done and I knew it was done, I felt wonderful.

This is the gift I want to give myself. Scum free! So, what's wrong with settling? It leaves you without hope and dirty.

I have to scale back and take things one day at a time. Goals are good, but I need to remember that I only have this moment to live in and to worry about anything more is a waste.

I remember a quote I heard once that said, "you can wonder, but you don't have to worry." This was in reference to God. I wonder about my life, but as a follower of Christ, I don't have to worry.

Everyday is a new day. Everyday I begin fresh. Everyday I live.

I put on my smile today and go out to live.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday!

mine why I don't want to settle, I first have to know why

Father's Day

Well, of course I spent it with my dad, but I spent more of it with my nephew...

He spent most of his time on the pool table :) He really enjoyed throwing the balls...we decided not to share that with my brother :)

As far as eating went, I have to say, I did excellent! I ate before I went there so I was full and able to decline the fattening dinner and even more fattening desserts!!!

I am so proud of me!!!! I know that sounds conceited, but I have spent so much time tearing 'me' down that I need to start picking up those blocks and building me back up! I need to have some pride in myself because I am the only one who will ever care about me this much!!

I also did a workout this morning which surprised me with how it kicked my butt!!! I have to say, when it comes to working out, I'm pretty tough, so to say that means a lot. I got it off of netflix (I just recently learned that I could rent workouts over netflix). So, what w/o was it?

Yep, this is the one. It wasn't fast paced but the jumps and constant motion are what did it...either way, I loved it and plan to buy it and add it to my workout routines!

Who's to Blame?

Ever since I started trying to eat cleaner I noticed that I kept getting obstacles thrown in my way:

1. scratched my cornea and couldn't make my own meals or exercise

2. had to deal with my brother breaking his foot and needing help until he could get surgery

3. work on the house (constant pressure)

4. had a nephew who also had surgery on his foot and needed help

5. my sis has some medical problems that keep her down when they get painful and I step in

These are just a few things that have happened over the past two weeks. With all this happening, I found my resolve to stick to my clean eating even harder. I didn't have the time I needed to prepare meals and figure out what to eat and I slowly found myself eating less clean and introducing more junk (reduced fat cookies / doritos / frozen pizza rolls / buttered popcorn...).

Last night, as I was eating my pizza rolls and feeling miserable, I was thinking of all the things happening and blaming everyone else for my inability to eat clean. What I didn't want to admit is that I am the one in control of my eating.

Life is filled with challenges. It is not designed to let us live a problem free / clutter free existance. We grow stronger through these challenges if we allow ourselves to learn.

I heard someone say once, "it's never the trial that makes us stronger, it's what we choose to do with that trial." I have been allowing my trials to pave way for my excuses, so I could always have somewhere to place blame.

While I can't say I am never going to blame anyone again, I can say that I am going to start taking responsibility and I pray that every day I will grow stronger and when I fail and start to place blame again, I will once again go back to God and pray for strength to use my place in life as a building block for where I'm headed next.

These next two weeks are really committed to making the most of my situation and learning how to continue. I choose them because I have an opportunity to do it without interruptions.

Now, off to exercise and then to the grocery store to find some clean eats!