In doing this, I failed to see who I am. Right now, I am simply a chameleon, adapting and changing to my environment in order to fit in. This blog was another attempt to change - lose weight so I could again, try to fit in. But where does it stop? What will I have to change next?
I want to know who I am. I know I like exercising, but I always take it to extremes. If I am not dripping in sweat or painfully sore, then I must not have worked hard enough. I can't do yoga cause that is a waste of a good calorie burning session...or so I thought. The problem with extremes is it can only last so long. Like the saying goes 'you can't sprint a marathon', but Lord knows I've tried :)
After I get tired of sprinting, do you think I slow down? Nooooooo...I stop completely and give up ALL hope of ever reaching my goal. Hence the reason my weight went up after my first weigh in.
Speaking of weigh ins I wanted to try a little experiment this month. A mind game. I am going to put my goal weight on my scale, stand on it and take a picture (not this week though cause my camera is in NC - I left it there when visiting, but my sis is bringing it back). I will weigh myself for real, tomorrow but the rest of this month's weigh-ins will be my goal weight with the picture. At the end of the month, I'll weigh myself, for real, again and see what the outcome is.
I am also working on my view of food and how to change that but I don't want to get too ahead of myself. What I do know is I don't have a positive self image and I need to find out more about me, becuase, when it all comes down to it, the person I want to be most is...myself.
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